Sometime back our bookclub started celebrating birthdays with a fancy cake for dessert at the end of the meeting each month. But last month, one of the ladies made a birthday luncheon at her home for our bookclub leader, only inviting certain people and not others. There were four of us not invited, and I wondered why, so I asked a couple of those who were.

Everyone was somewhat defensive, which made me think it had been a group decision, no doubt previously discussed. Six people had been invited, four not.

One lady who I felt close to was very defensive, stating she didn't want to discuss it, but when I pressed she said it would have been too many people in the back yard. Say what?? It is a huge yard. I said that was nonsense. She said I should know that women can be bitchy. But why? The four of us not invited are all ordinarily welcomed original members of 17 years standing.

Another lady was very distressed, she is also close to me, she tried to say it was only those who like the hostess' dog. But I love the hostess' dog. I think I've told you about him before, she brings him to all meetings, will not attend unless he can come, this dog is part of our bookclub! But evidently, 3 of these ladies meet at the dogpark each week to spend time with each other and the dog! They, of course, were all there. But I thought this reason of only inviting those who love the dog was the silliest thing yet.

Another reason given was the hostess only invited those she thought were closest to the leader, but that is silly too. Combining work and bookclub, we've all been together 40-50 years! Yet another reason was gifts. They wanted to give gifts, and felt that some of us might not want to because maybe we weren't as close to the birthday person as others. Anyway, I feel they should have invited the remaining four and left that decision of whether to come up to us.

Another member emailed me with generalities, saying don't dwell on it, accept it and move on, everyone cares but it just happened that way, forget about it. But it got my goat. My goat is very gettable these days.

It's been two to three weeks and I haven't participated in their weekly Zoom or attended the in-person bookclub meeting, which I wouldn't anyway because not everyone in my house is fully vaccinated yet. Tomorrow is the third Zoom get-together since this happened. One of the ladies has written me three cards since this happened, one a week, begging me to let it go and remain part of the group. Nothing from anyone else.

What shall I do? Shall I attend tomorrow's Zoom? Shall I remain part of the group? This is the first time in 17 years that anyone has been excluded from anything. And what about that remark that women can be bitchy? Do I want to be part of a group like that? The answer is really no. Oh, and by the way, the four that were excluded were Jews. But I won't go there.