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Dorian

Posted by Diane on 10/31/2024, 5:14 am

If he had that lung disease that starts with an A, his death is on me. I didn't take him to the vet in two years. If I didn't want to go to a vet up here I should have cabbed it to the city. I now know it's doable ( expensive but doable).

I'll call the vet today and see if or when she'll be able to do the ultopsy.

Re: Dorian

Posted by Cathy on 10/31/2024, 12:27 pm, in reply to "Dorian"

Diane, don't beat yourself up. I did a lot of shouldas and a lot of couldas with Shiloh, I was a raging mess after she passed. What helped me was timelining everything, writing it out, letting out my emotions on paper, areas/decisions where I could have jigged instead of jogged and vice versa. The only saving grace is that she didn't leave a grieving companion behind.

But Shiloh even helped with that. After Lulu passed in 2009 I let some time go by and asked Shiloh one day if she would like a new friend to keep her company when I'm gone and omigosh, if you've never seen a tiel have a temper tantrum, believe me, they do. She glared at me, screamed at the top of her lungs, did the threatening eagle at me, stomped her feet and took off flying, shrieking the entire time. Well, I got the message, no friend for Shiloh. I tried one time after that, asking her, same result.

I like seesthru's suggestion about a stuffed bird. There was a local pet store years ago who bred tiels in a room toward the back of the store and sold them. They would hand pull the babies for feeding and keep them in incubators (fish tanks) on the front counters. Next to the babies they put a wadded up soft cloth and a feather duster for snuggling.

Cathy

Re: Dorian

Posted by Diane on 10/31/2024, 1:41 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

The truth is I am a raging mess. I'm working in my bedroom all day. I don't want to leave him. Max looks terrified. He usually wolf whistles at me all day and he won't do that. Anytime I approach the cage he goes running to the other side. He just looks sad. I'll keep trying but after 14 years I doubt he'll change. If I had to grab Dorian for any reason he used to come at me and start biting. Looking at him just breaks my heart.

The truth is if Max passed first Dorian would have adjusted, I just don't think Max will. He loved Dorian from the time I brought him home.

Re: Dorian

Posted by Gina on 10/31/2024, 3:07 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to watch...a languishing 'tiel as they miss their companion.

Bailey and Snickers were together for 19 years. Bailey just is a different bird. That is the only way I can explain it.

But, he is 10 years older than Dorian was...24. Is Max around the same age as Dorian? And I must say that Bailey has always been a "hard nut to crack". If a 'tiel can be moody, that would be my Bailey.

I may have said this before, but I will continue to send good thoughts toward you and Max as you go through this difficult time.

Remember, Max may (like Bailey) be a different bird for the long term, but that is not always a bad thing. I have found that I have had to alter my expectations...also not a bad thing!

Gina

Re: Dorian

Posted by Diane on 10/31/2024, 4:00 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

Max is 14 also. I wish I could get him a companion but at my age I can't. If I had family that would take them after I'm gone it would be different but I don't.

I feel like if I didn't move two years ago this wouldn't have happened.

How is Bailey acting and how long has it been since he's alone?

Re: Dorian

Posted by Gina on 10/31/2024, 5:45 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

I am in the same boat as you. No one to take another bird and I am 72, soon to be 73. I also live in a very small apartment and there is no place for quarantine.

Bailey has been an only bird since 2021. He just sits in front of his mirror mostly. That has not changed in three years. It seems to comfort him and, although mirrors are not looked on positively for the most part in the bird world, this is a Senior bird who was never cuddly to begin with and who is (I feel) still grieving.

I allowed he and Snickers to be fully flighted and perhaps because of that neither of them were ever interested in toys. They preferred flying around my former apartment, exploring it. He still likes to chew paper, etc. He whistles short bursts to me and I answer him. That is a little routine we have. But a part of me wishes I had not gone the free-flight route so extensively because toys would be something to keep him engaged.

If I leave, I make sure to have YouTube Videos of singing cockatiels on for him and he seems to be a bit soothed by this.

Up until fairly recently, he loved to sing. When I would be coming home, I could hear him happily singing to himself. (I miss that.) That did decrease, though, when we lost Snickers. That he doesn't at all anymore has more to do with his aging than grieving.

I can tell, though, that he would love another buddy as I watch him stay close to that mirror for comfort/company (or so it seems to me, anyway).

Re: Dorian

Posted by Diane on 10/31/2024, 7:04 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

It seems our situation is similar. I just got home from the gym and I looked in his cage. He looks like he's terrorized. I will stay with him at least three hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon and I will sleep in the bedroom. I feel so bad. I'll get him rice and spaghetti tomorrow. I feel so angry with myself. I always knew Dorian would go first because he had health issues to begin with. Max likes to chew cardboard but he won't really move without Dorian.
He did eat today. Bur he looks so skiinny. I'm going to watch tv through my mini iPad and air phones in the bedroom. I think the stuffed parrot will scare him but the cockatiels chirping sounds like a good idea.
Cathy said it best when she said how she felt when her baby past away. Rage. . My best friend died. What will I do without hm.

Re: Dorian

Posted by Gina on 11/1/2024, 2:15 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

They are hard to figure out. A stuffed cockatiel would scare Bailey, also, but (was it Seesthru?) said it worked. They are so different.

I know Bailey gets spooked by ANYTHING he perceives as different in his environment. Because my old man has started to slip off of his perch, I ordered some vet tape and didn't pay attention to the bold color of it. So, I had to email them before it shipped and ask them to send some that is beige.

For me, sometimes I feel like I've been tempted to be too "there" in terms of sticking around Bailey. In the beginning (and still sometimes now) I would catch myself hesitating to go anywhere. It is good that you are going to the gym and not being around Max all of the time. Having a plan: Three hours for Max in the AM...three in the PM. It doesn't sound like the guilt you are no doubt feeling is getting the best of you. I know how hard that is since we can't see what others will: That we have done our best with a sucky situation.

Snickers got sick and died pretty suddenly and I can admit NOW that I did see signs and should have taken him to his vet. Also, NOW, I can recognize that I DID do my best at that particular time.

I tend to believe they need to process how to deal with their losses on their own. And...you need to do your best to be there for yourself, too.

What is hard for us, is that it just takes time!

Yes...I often say I don't know how to live in a world without Bailey. I used to think the same when Snickers crossed the Bridge. These two birdies have/had been my tribe/flock for so long.

Be well...

Gina

Re: Dorian

Posted by Seesthru, TC advisor on 11/2/2024, 5:03 pm, in reply to "Re: Dorian"

Stuffed toys work on some birds, not on all. It's just like cockatiel noises. I tried that with my flock, and they freaked out in fright. You have to try and find something Max will like. Mind you, with adult birds, I don't put the stuffed toy in the cage. I usually put it nearby, where they can see it and hopefully think it's another bird, but non-threatening.
With a lonely birdie, I'd try different things. Mirror. Toy, noises, radio, TV.... see what helps.

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