I don't know why Bob's boys weren't closer to him. They weren't quite as estranged from him when I met him, but something wasn't right and they became more distant afterward. And it wasn't anything I did, in fact I wanted to love them as Bob loved my kids. I wanted to have them in our lives. The oldest was about 25, had been living on his own mostly in Hawaii since he was 17. He was a top surfer, and had discovered the famous surfing spot that is known as Jaws. The second oldest had been a child prodigy on piano and organ. He was about 23, living with roommates, and becoming more and more successful with all aspects of his music, performing, recording, teaching and owning a music store. The third one was about 21, married to a lovely girl. He worked in boat building. Their baby was born a month after I met Bob. The youngest was 19. hanging around here and there, not yet settled, and a concern to Bob. He tried to help him in various ways, but the kid was difficult, always had been. As the youngest, he'd suffered the most from Bob's divorce 6 years earlier.
Bob's ex-wife was a beauty who loved fancy clothes, and the good life. She had a flirty, saccharine sweet way about her, and had all her sons wrapped around her little finger. In fact, she had a way with men in general. She married 5 times. Though the boys were devoted to her, they all left home in their teens.
They let me know in various ways they viewed me as a stranger that they wanted nothing to do with. When the first grandchild was born shortly after I met Bob, he bought gifts for the baby and took me down to meet his son and wife. She gave me the baby to hold and feed. As soon as we got home, Bob's ex-wife called threatening that if I ever touched her grandchild again she wouldn't be responsible for what she did. I'm not into drama; I never went down to see them again.
Another son came to visit Bob at my home, and wanted to talk to him about family business. He specifically asked me not to be present while they talked. I can understand he wanted privacy, but it was what he said and how he said it that let me know I was considered a stranger. Years later, that son came again to my home to visit from Hawaii, giving me a medal he'd won competing in water sports as a gift. It only took 30 years!
The musician son married a doctor. In the beginning of our relationship, Bob would visit and have dinner with him on his way up from Mexico to see me. And when Bob moved up here to be with me, he no longer passed the son's house. If Bob didn't initiate the visit, he didn't see his son any more. This son, the one with the precocious talent, was his mother's pride and joy all of her days. She lived with him in the end. He would never ever give me the time of day.
The third son, the boat builder, had one redeeming feature -- his wife. She was a lovely girl, who was disapproved of by Bob's ex because she was of minority ethnicity. She cried to Bob and he gave her emotional support. She persevered and saved her marriage, and they are together still. He's a lucky guy in more ways than one, i.e., I didn't prosecute him when he stole most of the machinery Bob left to me that was on the property up north.
The youngest son gave us a lot of trouble. He said Bob had promised him half of his property and harassed him for years with ugly phone calls and serious threats. He said terribly cruel, insulting things to me meant to make me feel really bad. I truly had done nothing to any of them, and always encouraged Bob to maintain a relationship with them. As he aged and became ill, he began to feel they only made contact to find out what he had. He warned me not to let them know when he passed, or they'd cause me a lot of trouble. I told him I could not do that, they were still his family. He said I'd be sorry, and he was right. But I always wanted to do the right thing by them.
I heard from them a couple of times after Bob passed, and after the #3 son stole the equipment left to me. They wanted to buy the property, but I didn't want to sell. I like to see pictures of the grandchildren and especially the great grands. I think I am looking for something of Bob.
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