The Dutch government was very clear in backing the claims of the Count of Barcelona. And they would not take responsibility of a person who went against Dutch politics and positions.
So when Carlos Hugo made it clear that he was not backing off, the Dutch government felt they were not able to take constitutional/ political responsibility for him or his positions. And so they did not send a bill to approve the marriage to the parliament.
You think that the Dutch queen was concerned about this in 1996?
I would speculate it's really more about the longer timeline of connected events - dating back to her sister Irene's wedding in the early 60's - the media sensation that created (I can well remember, even in UK media at the time), with a Catholic marriage that wasn't approved by the Dutch parliament? The televised ceremoney in Rome? The ensuing years that saw: the ascendance of a monarch to the Spanish throne, but also the renewed active claims by Carlists on the ground there too? And then that matter of "identity" - the offspring of Irene/Carlos Hugo? Offspring of a marriage that ultimately failed too. Of course, Q. Beatrix's decision to incorporate Carlos Hugo's offspring as Dutch nobility can't entirely wipe out their primal historic identity as Spanish or the ongoing Carlist claims. But it does provide some formal closure against even nominal involvement with Carlist maneuvers. Beatrix's friendly relationship with the Spanish king and queen and similarly the Dutch government's friendly relationship with Spain's new democracy were all considerations - or so I'd also speculate.
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