I heard the bin shed door being repeatedly thumped and kicked at 4am this morning so I hurriedly donned my Cartier Industries Kimono and hurried downstairs from my rooms to asses what the commotion was about ….only to find an extremely intoxicated Hampton attempting to gain access to said shed.

The Dingler was cowering behind the Green recycling bin not realising it was the alcohol fuelled buffoon, who for whatever reason when tinctured Hampton’s voice transforms to a deep rich almost Brian Blessedesque fog horn rather than his usual Whiney, pathetic tone.

Apparently he was removed from the premises of the European Final winners celebration party last night after collapsing drunkenly in front of the England manager Sarina Wiegman who summoned Ian Wright as back up to attempt to calm him down, to which the idiot boy/girl was quite correctly torn a new one!
All hell broke loose and the balloon ascended with Hampton lashing out and accidentally clipping Jill Scott who went ballistic and shouted over Roy Keane who snotted Hampton with a perfect right hook before helping security eject him.

He was the paid off and told by EFA officials his/her services were no longer welcome.

Hampton (via Bargain Booze) hopped into a taxi and headed back to what he expected to be a heroes welcome but in fact received a clip round the head from me and also a Pot Noodle embargo for stupidly spending all his money.
The dozy little swine!