Stockport County Supporters Messageboard: Rubbish.

More for my own amusement than anything else I’ve been looking at some of the utter weirdness Stockport County would publish in their programme years ago.
Phil Brennan the then Matchday Magazine editor kept loads of stuff and sent most of it back to me all these years later.
Orson Cartier is unfortunately missing presumed dead after being blown off The Great Orme after a freak gust of wind caught beneath his oversized Kagool and he disappeared out to sea.
I’d like to say that he’s sadly missed but truthfully….he isn’t.
Here’s one of his presumably first articles courtesy of Phil Brennon.
Im afraid I can’t tell you the date or game as it isn’t mentioned in Phil’s email but arrived first so I’m assuming it’s early doors.
For some unknown reason the idiot boy Cartier assumed County fans needed a Horoscope!

Orson Cartier predicts your future.

Aries.
As a Stockport County fan you are an eternal
optimist...however, with the constellation of Orion not bothering to pass Mars this week, you feel a tad melancholic. Not to worry though, as on Tuesday afternoon you will experience a
sudden feeling of well-being as Orion becomes 'lost' for twelve minutes.

Lucky number…3,212.

Lucky headgear…a nice trilby.

Unlucky footwear…flip-flops.

Taurus.
That 'certain someone' that you have taken a
shine to may respond to your romantic overtures this weekend as
the outer ring of Jupiter is glowing slightly more than
normal!
there again, chances are that you will find yourself out of
your depth and make a complete fool of yourself. You might want to
stay in to save any embarrassment.

Lucky number…can't find one.

Lucky headgear…deerstalker.

Unlucky meal…Pot Noodle.

Gemini.
Don't look behind you!

Lucky number…13.

Lucky headgear…beret.

Unlucky item of clothing…trousers.

Cancer
'Blondes have more fun'...or so they say.
With the sun sparring
the moon this week, it's worth dying
your hair white (or if you're bald,
wearing a blonde wig). You'll be amazed at
the results!

Lucky number…You decide.

Lucky headgear…see-through plastic
rain hat.

Unlucky weather…wind/rain.

Leo.
I refuse to recognise Leo for obvious reason!!

Virgo.
As a Stockport County fan, you know that all
good things come to those who wait.…but not in your case. Due to the fact that Pluto is hidden behind
Mercury, your weekend will be rubbish... oh, and don't bother with
the lottery.

Lucky number…0.

Unlucky headgear…cloth cap.

Unlucky toy…pogo stick.

Libra.
Celebrate today's County win with a riding lesson this Sunday, as the star ‘Brownlow-Minor’ is skirting the flange of a black hole. This of course, means an affinity with all things equestrian. So go on, pop on a horse and go for
a gallop through the leafy Cheshire
countryside!

Lucky number…999.

Lucky headgear…riding hat.

Unlucky part of body…neck.

Scorpio.
With the moon becoming almost semi-crescent this evening all Scorpios will feel confident about how
they look... Unfortunately, to other
people you look unkempt and a 'bit
scruffy' The time is right for a
make-over. Treat yourself to a new
shirt and press those strides!

Lucky number…69.

Lucky headgear…'reversed' baseball hat.

Unlucky household item…iron.

Sagittarius.
Don't even think you'll be accepted for that job. See sense and lower your sights.

Lucky number…?

Lucky headgear…knotted
handkerchief.

Unlucky TV programme…The
Jeremy Kyle Show.

Capricorn
With County due to embark on an epic cup run (remember you
heard it here first, as I see all!) things may become awkward at
work/home when we unfortunately have to take Chelsea to a replay
before dispatching them 4 - 0 at Stamford Bridge. Studying your
chart, I'd recommend instigating an argument with your
boss/partner/both to make sure you
are free to travel to the match.

Unlucky number…P45.

Lucky headgear…crash helmet.

Unlucky profession…divorce lawyer.

Aquarius.
Don't even think about buying that moped!

Unlucky number…325.

Unlucky headgear…none.

Unlucky junction…Portwood
roundabout.

Pisces.
(…run out of room ...Ed.)

If you unsurprising, don’t want me to put any more of this rubbish on here, please say! It’s not as though I’m not busy enough at the moment attempting to re-locate Oaf, Hampton and The Dingler into a threadbare WW2 Home Guard surplus two man tent (I found in a skip) as I’m having The Bin Shed turned into my personal Spa (I’m assuming I won’t need Council planning permission)