I've dealt with a lot of this nonsense also. Parents demand all sorts of things of me, and I'm constantly telling them "no."

No, I will not come open the band hall 3 hours early so you can drop your kid off for free babysitting before the event.

No, I will not stay late after school (on the one day we don't have marching band) for your child to record their playing test that's already 2 weeks late. They can do it at home, or after school before marching band.

No, I will not excuse your child from today's event because he needs a haircut before the weekend (yes that was literally an email I received).

When parents complain about something that was announced a long time ago, I've been known to forward the original email that was sent out with the expectations. "Yes, it's required that your student have supplies/come to rehearsals/do their playing test/whatever else, as described in the band handbook. Below please find the information that was sent out after our parent meeting in August."

At some point you'll develop a reputation as the teacher with expectations. MOST parents will appreciate that. A few may go on social media and complain about that @$$hole band director. In the 10 years I've been here, I've been mentioned on the town's Facebook group a couple of times, but every time the returning parents have jumped in the comments to point out the multiple parent meetings and communications about events and expectations. Usually the complainers don't stay in band for long and I'm not sad to see them go.

If you are new to this position it may take time, especially if you took over from someone who entertained such nonsense. If your admin expects such things from teachers, it's going to be even tougher...might be time to look at other employment opportunities for next year.

I had my share of those, especially when I first became head of the band program. One in particular kept giving me lip about my evening rehearsals and how they were interfering with their child's other activities (his girlfriend). I got fed up with him and offered the parent my keys, charts, and mic. Told him that he was welcome to take the program if he felt he could do better. He immediately backed off. When I got the eventual call from my FA director, I explained exactly what happened. He backed me up.
(I'm not condoning this. I was in a position where I had other options if need be. But man, was it fun!! Didn't have any issues after that. The kid ended up leaving band).

It sounds like this is probably a parent issue rather than something you are doing. Firmness is the key. Give short direct answers for everything when communicating via e-mail.

Communicate with adminstrators whenever e-mails seem to be crossing a line of professional respect... they might brush it off but keep them in the loop in writing.

"Students are expected to practice to meet course objectives. It is likely that without practicing students may not demonstrate growth on required playing tests".

"Information about renting an instrument was distributed at our parent meeting and can be found on our website. It is the responsibility of the student to have a working instrument for band class".

Remember this: YOU control your after-work schedule. Parents do not dictate what you do with your time. For that matter, parents do not dictate what you do during work hours. Stand firm and hold your ground. Do not let parents walk all over you. Keep your admin in the loop.

Do admin support you? Have you asked them for help? Even just knowing they back you would ease your stress. Do you offer tutoring at 7am? If you do, then those are the hours and that's it. Unless admin says otherwise....From my experience, admin may not support you. What grade levels do you teach, MS or HS? Have you considered moving to elementary? How long have you taught there? I moved to elementary, tried two different school, then left teaching all together because the stress was not worth it.

Document, document, document

Every phone call, email, parent contact, assignment

What is in your handbook? Is it signed by a parent?

At the end of the day, control what you can and take care of yourself.

If the administration is also bowing down to the community, you may need to make a decision regarding your 27-28 plans...

Tell the parents about your private lesson program, explain that you have commitments outside of school, and that you will not be staying for tutoring outside the school day.

Just simply advocate for yourself and be firm. It helps to communicate everything in writing, through email, and through newsletters.