So I'm the head director at a high school. I believe firmly in creating a positive environment for the kids, especially because the director before me was extremely toxic. My assistant believes in being tough, holding kids to high expectations and taking zero excuses (which is in line with the previous head director's philosophy). For the record, I totally support and agree with this philosophy and have found myself being tougher with the kids in an attempt to unify our two different view points. The problem is, when that ideology gets in the way of providing a safe space for our kids, that is unacceptable to me.

We've had many arguments about how I'm too nice to the students and how I just "let them do whatever they want". I honestly don't feel like I'm too easy on the kids. I try my best to push them, hold them to high expectations, etc.

Over the course of the year, we have had many student quit the program. Even some directly citing my assistant director as the root cause. I've been told by students that "I feel like he hates me", "He's very dismissive about anything I say", "Anytime I bring up a concern to him, his response is somewhere along the lines of 'that sounds like a you problem. Figure it out'". One student even said "once you work up the nerve to fire him, I'll join band again".

I've talked to my assistant about this and about approaching discipline in the band program with more positivity and he fundamentally did not agree. This conversation in particular sort of ended with him rolling his eyes and saying "sure, if that's what you believe then I'll support you". Nothing has really changed since then.

In fact, I just heard from a friend who told me that he's basically raking my name through the coals. Apparently he's been telling everyone that the program is dying and it's all my fault. Even apparently blamed me for all the students quitting.

I'm sort of at a loss. This individual is a great, passionate teacher (albeit very young), and I appreciate him very much. But I don't feel like we can really grow through this kind of culture. And it also sort of hurts that everyone is hearing about what a pushover I am from him.

How do I address this?