I'm going to Sloan Kettering Breast Cancer Center in NYC for a second opionion later this month (3.5 hour drive for us). I contacted Sloan Kettering myself to set up an appointment - I did not wait for my onc to do it for me. My intentions are to see what treatment plan they recommend and then have my onc administer it unless of course I qualify for a trial. If I qualify for a trail I may have may have to commute back and forth for a few months, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
My cancer did spread to my bones and NOT once did my onc ever tell me that I have less than five years to live. To the contrary my onc thinks I can live another 20+ years. Based on that comment alone, I would look for another onc. You want someone who is going to fight for you, not give up on you!
P.S. There are plenty of women on this board with bone mets that have lived 15+ years past diagnoses.