I am sorry you and your wife are going through so much right now. Cancer in itself, is enough to deal with, without the complications of surgery and then not being happy with the end result. There are so many emotions on both sides.
I myself went through a similar circumstance with my own cancer and reconstruction problems.
Reading your post reminded me of what my own husband went through with me, although being so supportive of me, I shut him out as I was dealing with so many emotions of my own. Not meaning to, but feeling so much, fear, anger and frustration, I would either take it out on him or just withdraw into my own shell.
I initially had saline implants but ended up with a terrible post op infection that delayed the fills on one side. When the implants were finally finished and in place, the end result was not good at all. I had capsular contracture and could not imagine going through the rest of my life looking and feeling like that. I was devastated. I remember my husband saying, "no woman would want to look like that." Although he did not mean it that way or did not mean it to hurt me, those words hurt more than any surgery I had gone through.
I opted to go another route, I ended up having the DIEP procedure done. It meant traveling to another city and more surgery, but it was a decision I have never regretted. The end result, although not perfect, was so much better and the pain I had was gone.
You both may want to explore new options/procedures to correct the initial reconstruction.
Try to stay strong and hang in there. It took me almost three years to get through all the surgeries and deal with and finally put to rest all the emotions that I was dealing with.
Now, twelve years later, I am still cancer free with a reconstruction I can live with and most of all, a husband that was my rock and will never know how much he did for me and how grateful I am to have him.