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Posted by Mirene on 2/28/2013, 8:19 am, in reply to "sadness
Thank you for your posts. They all made me cry. I seem to being that a lot lately. I have thought about counseling and meds. My primary is actually wonderful and hugged me twice during my last visit and did give me something to take as needed when I was having a bad day even without me asking for it. I guess I pride myself on how strong I am..and have been. I have been through some horrible life events for my age and have always been told how strong I am. Well, lately, I don't want to be strong anymore. Always take care of everyone and everything. I am trying to take care of me for once. Trying. I am functioning, living, taking care of my home, my kids, etc...Just feel sad and I know my sadness comes out as anger sometimes. I think I do just need to feel all these emotions. When we are in the process of scheduling surgeries, going to visits, etc..our minds are busy. Now, the emotional healing is going on. I am strong but even steel has a breaking point. I do have a wonderful wonderful husband to tells me I'm beautiful. I have wonderful friends. But some things can't be fixed by others telling us how we should feel. This is my favorite. Oh..you are so lucky you didn't have to go through treatments. Oh really? I know what they mean. But this is what I think while they are saying it...."I'm lucky? I had both my breasts cut off and have a scar that's 16 inches long on my abdomen, have no feeling in my breasts, feel like I'm all stitched up, and all for something that wasn't even hurting me or something I couldn't even see!" Oh yes, I feel very lucky. I know I should be thankful...i know...I'm not complaining...im just angry that last year at this time, I was me. I was me with the small breasts that I was born with. I know, it's not like I lost my arms or legs...I know all of that. And no one that I encountered, surgeons, plastic surgeons, oncologists, etc...ever said...you will go through a rough time after all this is over. You will be sad, angry, depressed. I know I'm not clinically depressed. I have a daughter that is 15. I try and try and try to stay positive all the time around her. The other day she asked me why I was crying. She caught me. I told her that I was crying because i'm a woman and a mom and wife. She is so good and calm. Pretending to be fine around both my kids is exhausting. I guess that's why I act the way I do with my husband, he's the only one that I don't have to pretend around. He is good to me. Thank God for him. I like the breaking dishes idea. Thank you. P.S. Does anyone else get mad when people complain about little procedures or dental work? I feel like pulling out my huge scar every time to make them shut up!