The last few days she has been "babbling" with a few words in between you can make out. Can only catch a few words here and there. The nurse called me yesterday saying she felt it was time to get Hospice involved. They have tried Ativan, and it's not working for long. She needs something stronger. I didn't want to dope her up unless I had to but for her sake I feel it's time to get her some relief. So, today Hospice came to the house and I signed the papers for her to be on Hospice. They were going to give her morphine tonight. I had tried to talk to her this morning and she just kept babbling things I couldn't make out. This is not the way my mom should be !!! I see her declining and I don't want her to suffer. They're not sure if it's her mind or if she's actually in pain and can't tell them.
In her past years whenever she was upset she would do her wash. Today when I talked to her on the phone ( they have restricted visiting unless your family member is close to dying d/t to the coronavirus epidemic our governor restricting visiting to all nursing homes in my area . They are on lock down )and the schools are closed...Mom said she had "clothes on the line " I said, "Mom,it shouldn't take too long for the clothes to dry because it's pretty windy today."and she said, " Yeah" and then more babbling... Very painful to watch her and to hear her try to communicate like this. The nurse said she's probably got so many things going through her head and she just can't process it all. The other day when I was there she said she had to " get things in order". I told her she didn't need to worry, I take care of everything she needs if she was worried about anything. She also didn't know me that day so my fear of this happening has come to be. That's why I know it's time to make her as comfortable as I can. They feel she's at the end of her life and I believe it also. They told me today that all I would have to do if they feel she is passing to tell them at the door and they would take my temperature and I could come anytime. They can't restrict you if your family member is dying.
So my friends, please pray for her to be comfortable and to give me strength to face what I feel is coming soon. I love you guys !
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