Posted by PhilRobbie on September 19, 2025, 11:07:51
Today, Orson Cartier ponders some Interesting facts about Newport coupled with an ‘intriguing’ idea to promote Stockport County in the community.
Hello. I have seen County play Newport at all three of their different ‘home’ grounds over the years and spent many a happy hour in the various superb drinking establishments across the City. There’s plenty of interesting places around Newport including the Castle which dates from 1386, St. Woolos Cathedral and of course the excellent River Front Arts Centre…..where I can heartily recommend the adjoining café (freshly ground coffee complemented by a superb view of the river Usk as one waits until the pubs are open).
Newport’s Victorian ‘Belle Vue Park’ is well worth a look if in the area, a veritable abundance of wildlife with a variety of exciting trees and shrubbery should please the eye of any would-be visitor…….though be warned……the drinking of alcoholic beverages and shouting is frowned upon!
Newport is birthplace to a plethora of famous folk including celebrities as diverse as film director Peter Greenaway CBE and ‘the voice of a thousand animals’ Johnny Morris OBE. It was whilst researching famous people from Newport that I came across a group of men calling themselves ‘Dirty Sanchez’…..a Welsh tribute act to the MTV funsters ‘Jackass’…..best described as a violent version of ‘The Goodies’ in which silly pranks (usually involving pain) are filmed for the delectation of the public. ….this gave me an idea….
I have decided to create a County version of the above called (somewhat unsurprisingly) ‘The Mad Hatters’. ….but who could be nominated for such antics? The first person to spring to mind was of course our very own Editor (*yawn* here we go, and you began so well…Ed.)
He almost certainly has loads of time on his hands after completing the relatively simple task of throwing these pages together (!!!!.....Ed.) so what better way of relaxing in between editing than careering down The Plaza Steps in a shopping trolley whilst aflame?.....all for the publicity of our glorious football club!
The next obvious name on the list has to be County legend Rodger Wylde. The popular spongeman could sit in the Bear Pit on Mersey Square with his bucket over his head as passers-by lob quarter bricks at him……the biggest clang would earn the thrower an autographed photo of the well respected physio………once he’s discharged from A&E.
Another obvious choice for merry-making mayhem would be commentary duo Messrs’ Pete Liggins and Jon Kieghren. They could both dress up as their favourite film stars (John as Hilda Baker, every time you see him demand that he shouts “She knows you know!” In a funny voice…he can’t get enough of his hilarious impression! and Pete would be his hero Blakey, star of ‘On the Buses)
Pete could be catapulted over the Viaducts and later on in proceedings if/when Mr Liggins is found, Jon could then be lowered over the balustrade and into the Mersey from the aforementioned Bear Pit crammed uncomfortably into a barrel, the Pure FM wordsmith could broadcast live on what it’s like to attempt to travel toward Liverpool whilst being completely dis-orientated and crashing down waterfalls, through shopping trolleys and old pallets.
I had saved the last and most dangerous task of course for myself……an ambitious attempt to emerge unscathed after ‘powersliding’ down the CO-OP Pyramid in just my underpants……but I’m afraid that I will have to ‘bail-out’ due to incurring a ‘twinge’ in my elbow (a recurring repetitive strain injury caused by years of tincturing).
…..so who could possibly replace me?
It would have to be someone connected with the club and ideally have youth on his side…..OF COURSE!….the perfect candidate would be Rya…..
(ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!.......when I ask you to send in ‘interesting facts about Newport’ I do not expect to have to publish drivel akin to what I’ve just had to read!......you’re fired!....Ed.) STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…Ł10 adults…Ł5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
Re: Newport County (2013?)
Posted by TheRealExile on September 19, 2025, 12:20:51, in reply to "Newport County (2013?)"
The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one more for dessert.
on September 19, 2025, 11:07:51
