County's very own Orson Cartier asks if you could step up to the plate as...

Kenny Boxshall has taken a tumble whilst Skateboarding and
Stockport County Football Club have (somewhat unfeasibly) contacted yous to 'fill in' for the Tuesday night fourth-round cup replay with Burnley. How would you do?


1.​How do you prepare for the match?

A​..Take a day off work and spend the day on the computer 'boning up' on ​every aspect of both teams, you want to look prepared and professional ​as possible.

B​..In your dinner hour make a couple of phone calls to each club, to make ​sure you know all your stats.

C​..Bunk off work and go to the pub.



2.​It's 5pm on match night. How would you choose to sound check?

A​..Repeat 1...2...1...2...1...2... for half an hour until you're sure the sound ​levels are spot on.

B​..Sing the County Anthem.

C​..you’re contemplating the ‘Top Shelf’



3.Edgeley Park is filling up and Birthday requests are required to be ​read ​out. How do you go about this?

A​..Take to the pitch with hand-held mike and eloquently reel off the best ​wishes.

B​..Stay in the Main Stand and after a nervous start, begin to relax.

C​..You are singing County songs in the pub.



4.It's almost kick-off time and you have to read out the teams, but ​some of the overseas players have tongue-twisting names. How ​do you cope?

A​..No problem your research is spot on, seven hours well spent.

B​..Do your best, if they're wrong, they're wrong. It's only to be expected ​that you're not word perfect.

C​..A large Scotch for the road!



5​.The game kicks off and six minutes in County take the lead from a ​George Donnelly 35 yard volley into the top corner. How do you ​'announce' the goal.

A​..In a staid and level voice so as not to disgruntle the away fans. You see ​yourself as neutral and don't want to abuse your position.

B​..Scream 'Yeeeeeeesssss Geddin!'

C​..Celebrate loudly at the turnstile with a drunken jig.



6.​It's half time and a presentation is in progress on the pitch. What ​do you do?

A​..Join in the proceedings and rouse the crowd to applaud the recipient of ​said award.

B​..Nip for a coffee.

C​..Although only stumbled in 5 minutes ago, a half time beer in Connor's Bar calls.



7.​Fifteen minutes into the second half and there's an against the run ​of play equaliser for Burnley. How do you react?

A​..Calmly state the goal scorer's name.

B​..Do nothing...sit with your head in your hands absolutely gutted.

C​..Having just stumbled into the commentary box, you've accidentally ​nudged the 'on' button as they score so the whole ground hears a string ​of profanities before a steward hurriedly leans over to flick off the ​switch.



8.​County make a sub. How do you go about announcing this?

A​..In a level and professional manner. This announcing milarky is ​becoming second-nature to you now!

B​..Same as A, with the tag-line 'COME ON COUNTY!!'.

C​..You don't...You've temporarily nodded off due to overly ‘nudging the turps’



9.It's Burnley's turn to make a change. What is your reaction?

A​..Obviously announce the substitute in a level and professional manner.

B​..Don't bother.

C​..Mumble 'good ******* riddance'.



10.​County score the winning goal with 'literally' the last kick of the ​game. What is your reaction?

A​..Sound as neutral as possible as you announce the goal.

B​..Scream incoherently for five minutes, struggling to get your breath back.

C​..You are arrested by police attempting to enter the field of play to ​celebrate with the players along whilst flicking the ‘V’s’ at the away fans.



How did you do?

Mostly 'A's
Ken has nothing to fear as you were bland and barely noticeable.

Mostly 'B's
Not bad, but no cigar.

Mostly 'C's
The job's yours for life! Poor Ken will struggle to oust the best announcer County's EVER had. Well done.