County's very own question master Orson Cartier asks “Are you a real County Fan?”.
Question 1. County are back and with the new season beckoning, County travel to Glossop for a pre-season friendly. The game takes place on the same day as your daughter's wedding. What do you do?
A…Proudly step down the aisle with your daughter on your arm?
B…As answer 'A', but with your mobile in your hand in case your mate at the match phones with goal news?
C…Cause a scene at the church by insisting that your daughter and future son-in-law 'pull their finger out' when taking the vows as you might make the second half if they hurry up?
D…Ignore your daughter's wedding completely and go on a 'all-dayer' in the High Peaks?
Question 2. The fixtures have come out and It's Southend away for the first game of the season. One week before the game your mate phones and asks if you'd like a lift to the match. Your answer is...
A…No thanks, I don't go to away games.
B…Sorry it's too far, I only go to local derbies.
C…Great Stuff! What time do we set off?
D…you are already in Southend.
Question 3. In today's game, there is, in your opinion, a slight error of judgement by the ref and Wycombe are given a throw-in near the half-way line and you're pretty certain it should have been awarded to County. How do you react?
A…The ref is probably right, he is after all, nearer the action than you and he is trained to know what he is doing it’s only a couple of minutes into the match so in your opinion…irrelevant.
B…Shrug your shoulders and carry on watching the game.
C… ‘tut' loudly and bemoan the decision under your breath.
D…Smash up your season ticket seat, empty your pockets of loose change toward the useless official and unleash a tirade of abuse at the buffoon in black resulting in you being ejected from the premises.
Question 4. You're at Torquay away, and the game is called off half and hour before kickoff (again). How do you take the news?
A…Not best pleased, but nobody can predict the weather.
B…Go for a pint and a curry with your mates and make the best of a bad job.
C…you’re livid! you make your way to Plainmoor, and demand to inspect the pitch personally.
D…Bingo! That's another two hours in the pub to have a ‘proper old fashioned session’ before being arrested for attempting to set fire to the pier in the small hours.
Question 5. County go one up against City in the FA Cup at Eastlands. How would you celebrate the goal?
A…Applaud loudly but hope it ends up honours even as you have a bit of a soft spot for our Manchester rivals.
B…Punch the air and shout “Yeeeeesssss!”
C…Leap up and down hugging the person adjacent to you although you've never met before.
D…Streak.
Question 6. Your family is invited round for Sunday dinner and you notice that your six-year-old nephew is wearing a United kit. What is your reaction? A…None, he is just a kid.
B…Gently tease him for not supporting his local club.
C…Loudly berate your brother over lunch leaving your nephew in tears.
D…Make the child have his dinner in the shed whilst vowing never to speak to your brother again.
Question 7. County have a cup replay away to Plymouth on a Tuesday night, but you have no holidays left from work. How do you deal with this conundrum?
A…Not bother going.
B…Plead with your boss for a day's unpaid leave.
C…Throw a sickie.
D…Take the rest of the week off and when your boss carpets you on your eventual return, explain to him in no uncertain terms, that County come first, job second and if he doesn't like it... tough!
Question 8. You've won the lottery and find that you are a multi-millionaire. How do you celebrate?
A…Embark on a round-the-world cruise forgetting that County even exist.
B…Buy all your family and mates season tickets.
C…Invest a good few thousand pounds in the club.
D…Bemuse your family by handing over every last penny of your winnings to Stockport County FC and still insist on buying your own season ticket.
Question 9. Your other half has innocently washed your 'lucky' County scarf for the first time in nine years. What is your reaction?
A…Ah well, it's about time it had a clean.
B…Calmly explain to your partner how superstitious you are and ask that they never do it again.
C…Have a right royal row that is so vindictive that the neighbours call the police.
D…Move out and divorce.
Question 10. You've been made redundant, wife and kids have moved on taking what was left of your money the house and furniture has been repossessed and you are now living rough. On the up side, County are away at Crewe. What do you do?
A…You see football as a luxury that is impossible to even think about until your life is 'back on track'.
B…Listen to the game on a borrowed radio.
C…Beg, steal or borrow the necessary funds to enable you to see the match.
D…Hitch to Crewe the day before the match, then under the cover of darkness, climb into Gresty Road and hide in the lavvy until just before kickoff.
How did you do?
Mostly 'A's You are a disgrace. Call yourself a County fan? The likes of you are giving us a bad name.
Mostly 'B's Oh dear! Your heart's in the right place, but you need to prioritise your life better. Leave that partner/punch that boss!
Mostly 'C's Not bad, not bad at all. With a bit more application, you may still become a proper County fan. Room for improvement though.
Mostly 'D's CONGRATULATIONS!!! It's a good bet that you were born under the Cheadle End and you can count yourself lucky that you're not like the 'rest'. Come and visit me and we can sit down and talk about all things County (you'll have to apply for a visitors pass first though).STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
Splendid stuff, I still have flashbacks of the ex chasing a group of us through Torquay after the cancelled game 🤣 and of course kipping on the floor in the hotel room 🙄 The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one more for dessert.
That’s very true…I used to get dog’s abuse (on behalf of Cartier of course) for this kind of rubbish. Everyone was in a bad mood after the match and made to feel worse after reading this sort of stuff in what was actually an award winning programme. Stay tuned to see what sort of abuse I had to endure thanks to Cartier’s downward spiral of surrealism…with inane and random mentions of ‘On the Buses’ and for some outlandish reason his weird obsession with glam rock! and Bernie Clifton (complete with comedy ostrich)
STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
on July 13, 2025, 21:57:01
