County's very own conspiracy theorist Orson Cartier ponders the link between Bradford City and the demise of popular singer and actor, Elvis.
Welcome fellow believers. I promised myself that I wouldn't involve myself in any more conspiracy theories, but a combination of the glaringly obvious and my running out of medication has meant that I feel the need to make you all aware of the role that today's visitors may have played in one of history's most memorable events.
Bradford, as we know are in Yorkshire, which is of course, across the 'Pennines'. The word 'Pennines' is an anagram of 'nine pens'... Now then, if you ask yourself the simple question why anyone in Yorkshire, or indeed anywhere else, would need nine pens, the obvious answer is Bingo. Go through the handbag of any pensioner who is into Bingo and you will invariably find nine pens.
So, with the link of Bingo firmly established, one begins to realise that the game is most popular at seaside resorts, not unlike... you guessed it... Mablethorpe. Mabel Thorpe could well have been a relation of Stockport County legend Andy Thorpe... On this we can only speculate, as when I was lurking around the great man's bins, the police were called before I could glean definite proof... But we will take it as read, that there is a definite link with Mr Thorpe, who of course, was a 'defender'.
What is obvious when you remove the first two letters from the word ‘defender’ is that it becomes 'Fender' as in a well-known make of electric guitar, and as every schoolboy knows, lightning is an 'electrical' discharge during a 'storm'.
Desert 'storm' was a nickname of the 1990 invasion of Iraq, also known as the 'Gulf' war... this is where is becomes spooky. If you've had a few beers and say the word 'gulf' whilst intoxicated, it sounds a bit like 'golf'... a game played by people in daft strides, in which, a participant attempts to put a ball into a 'hole'... What you most certainly have realised by now is that the word 'hole' rhymes with 'dole'... slang for 'social security', and who needs 'security' more that most?
That's right!
A public figure who may be at high risk, say a 'president', perhaps the President of the USA. Now we find the slots of the puzzle beginning to fit into place, as we can now marry up the coincidence that George Bush was the President during the first Gulf War, whilst amazingly, his son... WITH THE SAME NAME... was also the President for the replay! But it wasn't the same name was it?!!! No! After some in-depth research, I put it to you that there was a subtle difference in the names... That difference being, the single letter 'W' mysteriously appearing in the middle of the second president's name.
If one chalks the letter 'W' onto a blackboard and then stand on one's head, it clearly forms the letter 'M', which is the first letter of a well-known chain that sells... you guessed it... burgers. AND there are no less than 9 (6 drive through’s) of the popular purveyors of the meaty meals…in…you guessed it! TODAYS OPPONENTS BRADFORD!!!
THE VERY MEAL THAT WAS MAYBE A CONTRIBUTORY FACTOR IN THE DEATH OF THE KING OF ROCK AND ROLL!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, with the Rubik’s cube of coincidence now complete. I can truly rest my case.
(You’re sacked!…Ed)
STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
Good work Phil, I always thought there was something strange in the death of Elvis.The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one more for dessert.
A very strange man indeed…not unlike Orson Cartier of course who wrote the rubbish years ago. I am but a messenger if you will. …but I’m sure he’d appreciate your comments. If he was still with us.STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
Pretty certain that this game was on September 11. 2010 1-1 draw. (I had feedback that someone from Bradford’s team Board of Directors was ‘miffed’ by the article…I replied with the time honoured gesture of shrugging my shoulders and saying “meh” (on behalf of Orson Cartier who of course at the time was holidaying in Rhyl if I remember correctly (which I normally don’t) Orson loved the Welsh but unfortunately the Welsh despised him for reasons never made clear. He’d take frequent beatings over the border and of course the North Wales resort of Llandudno was where he met his untimely/ridiculous death. He would have been happy to know his unfortunate end (Great Orme/‘too large’ Kagool/freak gust of wind)…was at his spiritual home which left his many enemies in Wales raising a glass in a toast to his demise!STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
on July 4, 2025, 13:54:42
