I have it on good authority that the owners of AFC Wrexham, Hollywood heartthrobs Ryan Reynolds and the other one intend to to disrupt County supporters if/when we get to Wembley! Apparently to quell our support and to make us feel lethargic and even sleepy the unscrupulous duo are preparing to spend millions of dollars to reactivate the controversial ‘Cobra Mist’ radar that was shut down in 1973 after it was deemed as a mental waste of time and money.
Cobra Mist radar was only used once and everybody in Ipswich apparently fell asleep for two weeks so it was hastily turned off. Reynolds and his business partner (whose name escapes me but has something to do with an American version of Emmerdale) were fuming when County fans flew banners over The Racecourse Ground, not once…but twice! They are still smarting from the humiliation so have hatched their plan of revitalising the radar, adjacent to Orford Ness somewhere down South to tire out County fans in Wembley Stadium.
Apparently they know a scientist who can both turn down and precisely direct the Cobra Mist beam into the County end at the div 1 promotion final. Their scientist who allegedly runs The Turf pub (next to the 3-sided Racecourse Ground) since retiring from his secret work on military death rays, is confident that he can bounce the radar off the famous Wembley Arch and into County fans making them feel tired and less arsed about shouting for The Boys in Blue! This could scupper our chances and I have immediately informed both the Welsh FA…but they said something in Marsian and hung up!
CARTIER INDUSTRIES THE RESCUE!
YES!! Fear not fellow County fans as I have had my staff designing a fashionable array of tin foil hats that will not only keep you awake during the match but will make you look cool! For a mere £50 per headgear we will remain awake and ready to verbalise the ref at the drop of a hat. But you don’t want to ‘drop your hat’ or your may well nod off! That’s why for a mere £25 extra your tin foil hat will be provided with a durable, weatherproof chin strap.
The Dingler and Hampton aren’t waiting to see if we qualify they’ve been up all night hand crafting these excellent items and have already made over 6,000 items that will Mold to your head for the big day! Personally I’ve gone for the ‘tin trilby’ and have already promenaded it around Stockport Town centre. I was worried I may look like a mental Captain Tom as I wheeled around The Bear Pit. On the contrary I received many admiring glances before I was arrested (a hobby of mine is screaming abuse at pigeons)
So I expect a queue of people outside The Petersgate Tap to purchase the ‘Cobra-O-Desist’ hats when everybody is ready to purchase…remember due to overheads the price will quadruple when we win the semi final!
Stay safe! Cartier Industries.STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
I can’t get hold of him…he’s gone rogue! If anybody sees him just shout “Oi! Oaf!…Bin shed. NOW!” He’ll understand completely. DON’T approach him though as he has tendency to go mental at strangers.STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left. 5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids. Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!
on May 3, 2025, 14:26:55
