Hampton’s misplaced angst.
Posted by PhilRobbie on 22/6/2022, 2:43 pm
My ridiculous employee Hampton seems to have become all ‘woke’ …I can only put it down to boredom due to it being close-season. |
Yesterday whilst relaxing in my rooms flicking peanuts at unsuspecting passers by below me on Underbank, an upset and offended Hampton stormed into the bin-shed and awoke a snoozing The Dingler by slamming the door.
Sighing, I thought I’d better go downstairs and sort the little mardarse out.
Sure enough he was blubbering with annoyance in the corner of the bin shed and it took Oaf to throw a bucket of (hopefully!) water over him to calm him down.
On further investigation all was revealed.
The soppy little sod was, instead of looking for online sponsors for Cartier Industries (as instructed to by myself) decided to waste time gawping at YouTube instead.
…and Instead of perusing County’s fantastic season like anybody normal, became sidetracked and found himself on an Antifa site…and now fancies himself as ‘Social Justice Warrior’. 🙄
This coming from a bloke who begins to blubber if his Pot Noodle isn’t ‘warm enough’.
Apparently, as he exited the new Stockport Library…called The Hub (for some stupid reason) on Mersey Square, he noticed, on the window of the establishment, a retrospective photograph of an old Stockport bus with an advertisement for Players Cigarettes emblazoned on it’s side!
For the first time in his life…Hampton became ‘triggered’!
He leapt into action and decided there and then to smash the window in a reactionary one man protest…but after scouring The Square for 10 minutes…couldn’t find a loose brick.
Raging with angst, Hampton began shouting at passers by, demanding that they join him in storming The Hub for a sit-in and Hunger strike…but apart from being roundly ignored by a baffled Joe public, the staff had locked up and gone home.
Undeterred, he purchased a notepad and crayons from W.H. Smiths and set to work making his own leaflets advertising for a anti-smoking advert protest on Portwood Roundabout that very evening…and after handing the badly misspelled leaflets out, he fully expected a huge turnout… he of course failed miserably to entice even a single member of the public and spent his evening sat belligerently cross-legged on the roundabout with a homemade sign that read ‘NO TO FAGS ADVERTIYSING IN WINDOWS’ which caused him a problem when a coach load representing ‘The Wythenshawe Ladies Rugby Team’ misguidedly assumed that he was a radical homophone and stopped to give him a damn good thrashing.
The stupid little man staggered home stopping only once to receive a punch in the face from a skateboarder because…well, because he’s Hampton.
12 minutes later he was soaking wet with a guffawing The Dingler and an annoyed boss telling him he had missed his evening Pot Noodle and to expect another pay cut (notepad and crayons indeed!)
Roll on next season!
STILL have ‘(Orson) Cartier Industries (Stockport)’ T-shirts left.
5 sizes…£10 adults…£5 kids.
Can’t be arsed posting/delivering so pm me & I’ll meet you in a pub if possible!