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    Job opportunity! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on July 1, 2024, 7:09:19

    At last! We here at Cartier Industries have an opening for a go-getter and ambitious person to fill the newly created role of Chief salesman and Company Promoter.

    This lucky individual will receive in-house luxury accommodation and not one but TWO! That’s right TWO free meals a day (rent and food costs are obviously deducted from any wages)

    This diverse job will come with an assistant…a strange little chap (but fingers crossed, you’ll get used to him!) known as Hampton, who incidentally is a lot easier to work with recently as I stopped his head tablets and he’s hearing the voices again…so good news all round!

    There’s another chap in residence that goes by the name of The Dingler…he must be avoided at all costs! I’m afraid legal reasons forbid me to go into detail….except that until his case comes up next month he’s staying put in the bin shed (accommodation) until further notice.

    A confused bloke on a bike may turn up clutching a half-eaten Steak Bake now and then…he’s known as Oaf and he’s the reason I need another employee as he’s taken upon himself to ‘go rouge’ so to speak and has taken it upon himself to come and go as he pleases therefore he’s become unreliable.

    FANTASTIC PAY!
    That’s right!!!

    The pay scheme here at Cartier Industries although complex to work out will delight even the most corrupt accountant.
    We use an opt-in opt-out debenture based scheme that is based on a tramp steamer anchored off the coast of Ghana…thus filtering back enough money for my employees to (with the help of local food banks that GIVE you food to sell!) exist on.

    I’m taking interviews at The Petersgate Tap from 12pm until 10pm all you need is yourself, a desire to be a winner and enough money to afford me three large Jack Daniels.
    I expect to conduct 6+ interviews per day all this week and if you do well at the first meeting you’re about 3 interviews from your final interview…good luck!

    All potential employees of Cartier Industries must forward £300 cash in a discreet manner to myself (NOT Oaf, Hampton or The Dingler!) before you buy me the first drink of the interview session…this is to guarantee that I can be bothered to listen to your boring waffle and remain pretending to look interested.

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