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    LIVE FROM MERSY SQUARE! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 10/3/2022, 3:35 pm

    Cartier Industries present a once in a lifetime opportunity to watch Hampton Parkour across Stockport to Edgeley Park!
    Please sponsor him as he stands at the top of The Plaza Steps and readies himself for this most unusual event.
    The task will be a difficult one but the boy Hampton is in fine shape.
    He’s just loosening up as we speak.
    He’ll begin by running down the fabled steps two at a time then turning left our hero gathers speed until he reaches The Viaducts.
    Without slowing he’ll then vault upwards and leaping from tree to tree until he somersaults onto the railway lines, here he has to weave past any oncoming locomotives before reaching the other side where Hampton will compete a death defying leap onto the run up of where The Infirmary used to be!
    STILL not slowing down the next stage involves a Space Hopper of which after bounding down Greek St, the expert in the art of Parkour will be no doubt cheered on by drinkers outside The Armoury Public House.
    For his next leg….’Edgeley Roundabout to Worrall St.’ Hampton will walk on his hands.
    Now for the big Finale!
    He’ll backward somersault his way to the South-Western floodlight before scaling to the top and parachuting triumphantly onto the pitch!
    What could go wrong?
    Oaf (on his bike) will follow him up to the Viaducts commentating through his Steak Bake…whilst The Dingler will be awaiting (in) The Armoury with his megaphone to run alongside to the finish!
    Hampton’s just given me the thumbs up and he’s almost ready to go!
    A small crowd of curious onlookers await with baited breath!
    I’m also streaming the start for the rest of the world to enjoy and Hampton has his Nokia sellotaped to his ‘ead.
    He’s assumed his starting stance…GOD SPEED HAMPTON!!.
    AND HE’S OFF!
    Oh no!
    The complete buffoon has a stitch three steps in.
    I’m booting him up the arse as we speak!
    GERTCHA!
    …but I’ve only unbalanced him and he’s fallen down the Plaza Steps.
    Oh and his outsize shorts have fallen down!………..and now he’s been hit by a car.

    RUBBISH HAMPTON!
    An absolute embarrassment!

    I’d like to apologise to all that have sponsored him….it goes without saying that there’s no refunds.

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