YES! THAT’S RIGHT! How many times have you been to a match over the years and thought ‘somethings missing’?… Well, from this evening Cartier Industries will make your match day experience complete!
I’m at the ground as we speak overseeing my staff struggling to erect a 100ft tent in the car park that will be soon filled with trestle tables groaning under the weight of some 5,000 delicious sausage and marmalade flavoured Pot (style) Noodles!
It goes without saying that these are NOT the cheap rubbish that I feed my staff on… NO! These are ‘special’ P.N.’s lovingly manufactured in the bin shed by the magic fingers of Oaf, Hampton and (when awake) The Dingler.
The lads have spent the whole bank holiday weekend locked in the shed, beavering away so that your tastebuds will thrill to this new taste!
The water will be sourced locally from The Ressers adjacent to Edgeley Park via a hosepipe to a huge oil drum where underneath a fire has already started so that your ‘Cartier culinary experience’ will be suitably heated as you enter the ground.
Of course, with this being a delicacy, it will have to reflect in the price. …but as an introductory offer I’m knocking them out at a mere £12.56 each or (wait for it!) £25.34 for two! I think you’ll agree…an absolute BARGAIN!
….so, don’t have your tea before you come out this evening, just bring a spoon and experience the meal of a lifetime. They won’t be hard to spot…as well as the 100ft long tent, Oaf will be bellowing down a megaphone (GETYERMATCHS RAAAAN) whilst cycling around the car park, The Dingler will be doing a celebratory River Dance (for reasons only known to himself), complete with hob nail boots and the beleaguered Hampton will be serving the predicted thousands in the queue! (I of course will be in the ground dining on one of the excellent pies on offer by the club)