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    Staff Appearance. Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 2/6/2021, 9:06 pm

    On perusing my staff’s ‘lockdown haircuts’ the other evening I couldn’t help but notice they looked shabbier than usual, this takes some doing (especially in the case of The Dingler!)...so I made it my mission to treat them to a summer haircut.
    Strolling near my rooms on Underbank I realised that I was spoilt for choice as to which salon to opt for.
    Of course AlzBarber has a shop just up Rostron Brow but try as I might, every time I approached his doorway he’d hide behind his barbers chair...after today’s events I wish I had persevered with him as his prices are of excellent value and you know what you’re going to get...a traditional British haircut.
    Unfortunately I decided that my workforce, due to the fact they are the frontline of Cartier Industries, should be quaffed accordingly....a big mistake!
    After shelling out over £436 of hard earned customers cash I was, to say the least disappointed.
    First to return from his hair appointment was Oaf who apart from delightedly telling me that Spangle had ‘trousered the dosh’ and was now ensconced in Witherspoons for the duration...The king of Gregg’s new look resembled that of a mentally disturbed skinhead/hard core punk...this not the image I wanted to startle any potential new customers with!
    Next over the threshold was The Dingler who to be honest the resemblance to Jon Pertwee’s Catweazle was astounding!
    ...the only problem is that he looks no different than he did before.
    I was relying on the intrepid Hampton to come up with the goods...he’d spent seven hours at the boutique having his follicles lovingly tended so my view was that he would look stunning and replace Oaf and his flaky Steak Bake as ‘front of house’ so to speak.
    Our hero appeared at the bin shed looking like a startled Jason King.
    His bouffant, although impressive, resembled a huge blue tinted ice-cream sundae...added to that, it contained so much lacquer he passed out twice from the fumes, on his second revival in The Turners a whiskey was thrown at him by a homophobic pensioner thus making Hampton highly inflammable. This caused problems on his return as his Barnet was a veritable tinderbox...of course the only solution was to isolate him in the outside lavvie with the rest of the team dousing him with a hose for a few hours.
    All in all a pretty bad day...got to go as The Dingler is mischievously flicking lit matches around the yard.

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