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    New venture for Cartier Industries! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 26/4/2021, 10:44 am

    Ho yes!
    Cartier Industries is back with a bang!

    Last night whilst perusing the local public houses celebrating County’s fantastic victory at BoringWood I fancied a take out on the way home. As I pass Michelin starred restaurant ‘Where The Light Gets In’ I wondered if they did a take away kebab?
    Sadly they looked closed so I went home and was delighted to find that I had a Pot Noodle in the cupboard that I’d forgotten about.
    As I dined on said Pot Noodle I decided to check on the Where The Light Gets In website for future reference as it’s only a few yards from where I live....my noodles went everywhere!
    I was frankly aghast at their prices...I didn’t realise so much money could be made by doing a bit of cooking!
    That’s when it hit me.
    I’d start my own restaurant in my front room!
    I’m sure they won’t mind a bit of healthy competition.

    So I’m thrilled to bits to announce the opening next week of;

    WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE

    A fine dining experience here on Coopers Brow SK1
    Oaf says he can cook so I’ll make him Head Chef.
    Hampton will be waiting the table whilst Spangle will be on the door to welcome you in with his winning smile.
    The Dingler will provide entertainment as he used to play spoons for Hawkwind (until he famously lapsed into a drunken stupor during his ‘Silver Machine’ solo and was thrown out of the band after only one gig, indeed the band were so traumatised by the experience they never played the hit tune ever again!)

    So there we have it!
    For a payment of £432 to enter the building (+ £54 to house your coats in the bin shed) Spangle will escort you to the table where a resplendent Hampton will be poised to take your order. (Burger ‘n beans)...this luxurious meal will then be lovingly cooked by our chef (Oaf) whilst using language that’d make Gordon Ramsey sound like The Archbishop of Canterbury.
    After being pleasantly startled by The Dingler on spoons between courses it’s dessert time!
    ....where Spangle will unceremoniously escort you off the premises clutching an Aldi version of a Cornetto to share in the gorgeous surroundings of Underbank.
    (...don’t forget to pick your coats up from the cobbles behind you!)

    Menu prices.

    Main meal...£79
    Entertainment...£78
    Dessert...£67
    Booking fee...£89.50
    Gratuity charge...£300
    (NO refunds!)

    Enjoy!

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