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    No Again! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 4/4/2021, 9:05 pm

    More problems with Cartier Industries attempts to bring you live commentary of County’s superb season.
    Unfortunately due to technical difficulties with the Cartier hot air balloon that was supposed to bring those without BT Sport a comprehensive description of Bank Holiday’s fixture via the dulcet tones of The Dingler...has hit a snag.

    As always our services are tested before going live...our customers wouldn’t expect anything less...but we’ve lost the dirigible after what can only be described as circumstances beyond our control.

    My intention was for commentator The Dingler and technical expert, Hampton to float above Edgeley Park and bring the game to life for our loyal customers.
    After the West Ham disaster when we attempted to send Hampton over the match with the aid of helium filled balloons but fell foul of a last moment wind change, we thought lessons had been learned...alas not!

    If only I had noticed The Dingler smuggle aboard 32 cans of Robbies best bitter to apparently ’keep him company’...things may have been different.
    Hampton raised the alarm by phoning me shortly after lift off from our Burnage headquarters (shed roof)...but it was all to no avail as The Dingler had been at the Toilet Duck and turps at breakfast thus putting him in a somewhat nasty mood.
    Basically he chucked Hampton overboard for ‘grassing him up’.
    Luckily the intrepid Hampton managed to grab hold of the guy rope that was designed to be lowered atop the Cheadle End to stop them blowing away.

    Dangling above Heaton Moor Hampton managed to ring me and left a panicked message of his predicament.
    I snapped into action and sent Oaf to saddle up and ride his bike in pursuit whilst I finished my breakfast and got round to phoning a cab.

    I eventually caught up with my airborne staff around Portwood where I spied that Oaf had dismounted his trustworthy riding iron and was now stood in the centre of the roundabout firing his air rifle not as you’d expect in an attempt to down the balloon but at Hampton’s buttocks ‘for a laugh’!
    As yo can imagine I was absolutely fuming!

    What made things worse was that The Dingler had demolished half his stash of cans and fallen soundly asleep leaving the air ship rudderless.

    There was nothing I could do but go home so I re-boarded the cab after letting down Oaf’s tyres (to teach him a lesson!).

    The upshot is that although a bedraggled Oaf eventually retired to the shed, the only news on the other two idiots are that a news network are reporting a scruffy drunken bloke in a cheap balloon shouting obscenities at a smaller man with a haunted look and sporting bleeding buttocks dangling below.
    My guess is this could be them.

    Of course I’ll deny all knowledge of their exploits as latest reports have them entering Russian airspace.

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