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    You won’t believe this offer....! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 21/12/2020, 6:10 pm

    Cartier Industries have struck again!!

    In celebration of Sir Cliff (Kitty*) Richard’s Christmas cracker ‘Mistletoe & Whine’...I have gone out of my way to purchase a skip load of mistletoe so you...yes, YOU!...can indulge in some merry Christmas cop-offery!

    That person who seems aloof and standoffish in the office will almost certainly be caught unawares by your advances as you suddenly loom over her/him/gender-confused.
    ‘Tis the season to be creepy!...yes!...it’s the one time of year, apart from New Year/Birthdays/other family or friends events, when you can act as inappropriately as you wish!....it’s the law!

    *Now for a serious message*
    Not only is it ideal for leering over strangers at work...as we know, this year is extra special due to the dreadful Corona Virus outbreak, so it makes common sense to take the mistletoe to the streets.
    Approach total strangers and hug/kiss them....I’m certain that they’ll be delighted at the attention.
    (...in fact I’ve sent my crash-test dumm...(ahem)...supervisor Hampton out onto the Boulevards of Stockport to rip off strangers masks and test out my theory...he’s late getting back to me but I’ll post the results of how he’s gone on later)

    The mistletoe berries have fallen off and the plant smells a bit rank (due to being thrown in the same skip as 400weight of rotting fish heads)...but folk won’t notice that as you suddenly pleasantly surprise them by suddenly springing up in front of them screaming “MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!”...just like Noddy Holder did in the much loved Slade 45 “Merry Christmas” (who here hasn’t started to dance in the aisles of Asda when on it comes again for the third time as you stand in the check-out queue...I know I have!


    So....hurry up and purchase this most seasonal of gifts!
    (...as they’re beginning to smell quite badly now and there have been complaints to my landlord)

    Here are some big County names that if asked may very well have endorsed this fantastic product!;
    Jim Gannon
    Mark Stott
    Alan Ogley
    Rooney’s brother
    Dosser Jacket
    Ben Hinchcliffe
    The list goes on....

    A bargain at only £27.89 a sprig....THAT’S RIGHT!...£27.89!

    Pay now and I’ll personally pop the item in the post!

    (£12 p&p....delivered in 20 working days)

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