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    Another fantastic product! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 6/12/2020, 12:43 pm

    Cartier Industries have done it again!

    Working direct from their laboratory in Portwood, Cartier boffins have worked tirelessly to come up with an invention that will make coping with COVID a lot easier!

    The Cartier ‘MEGAPHONE-MASK-A-TRON’ is now available for sale at only £563.43.
    That’s right!
    ...as fellow Stopfordian David Dickenson would proclaim “Cheap as chips!”

    This honed steel megaphone complete with mask Sellotaped on the end will make speaking easier to hear by increasing the volume by some 20% (50% if you shout)
    You, yes you! will now be able to ‘get your point across’ much louder.
    It does away with all that mumbling behind the mask as you are, for instance boarding a bus and struggling to address the driver...now he’ll be able to hear you if not clearly, louder!

    The MEGAPHONE-MASK-A-TRON weighs only 25lb so it’s designed to be portable (with the aid of a trolley)
    At three and a half feet in length and two feet wide (at the loud end) this accessory will almost certainly become a fashion must!

    A County fan we’ve spoken to is understandably beside himself with excitement!
    From his hospital bed, Hampton commented...
    “I can’t wait until the powers-that-be let us back in Edgeley Park so I can ‘show off’ my new ‘Cartier MEGAPHONE-MASK-A-TRON’!
    Speaking as the chief tester for the product I’m proud to be part of this great British achievement!
    It’s worth the chronic back injury and facial bruises I incurred whilst lugging it around town and startling folk with my shouting inanely at them...proof indeed this product works!
    God bless Cartier Industries!“

    Praise indeed.

    Accessories are also available, such as the especially crafted trolley (£126.32) and the Cartier Truss, a must have add-on (£67)

    Boris Johnson himself has been contacted to advise the British public to buy this superb product...and he may even ‘make it law’ to own one, when that day comes we must unfortunately increase the price due to possible tax reasons so we urge you to ORDER NOW!!!



    (...due to transport problems delivery may not be available until July 2021)


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