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    Jingle Bells! Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 5/12/2020, 12:02 pm

    Well it’s that time of year again but with government restrictions stopping us Christmas shopping why not be all modern and buy online?
    “...but where would I shop?” I hear you say...
    There’s only one answer!

    Orson Cartier’s Online Emporium

    Yes! Why not say ‘adios to Amazon’ and have your gift delivered by Cartier Industries very own Hampton on his bike!

    Here’s the full range of County-related product available...(remember, stocks are limited so order now!)

    OAF BIKE CLIPS
    That’s right! Be the talk of the town as you stroll confidently around the streets of Stockport in your OBC’s.
    I’ve managed to persuade County legend Oaf to sign 500 pairs of clips similar to what he wears himself as he cycles elegantly around town.
    You don’t even need a bike!
    Correct!...the clips will make your strides look daft and...Hey Presto!...you instantly have an interesting conversation piece and who knows?...they may help you cop off! (ladies are advised to wear trousers)
    Here’s a possible conversation that could be struck up at any time as you proudly promenade the OBC’s.

    Stranger/possible wife or husband;
    “What’s up with your strides?...they’re all crinkled up, you look like a d*ck”

    You;
    “Why I’m wearing personalised ‘Oaf Bike Clips’ supplied by ‘Cartier Industries’

    Stranger/future wife or husband;
    “WOW! I didn’t realise! You look fantastic!
    How much did you pay for them...I’ll bet they cost a fortune?!“

    You;
    (smugly) “On the contrary, I paid a mere £38.56 (each) for these excellent fashion accessories....AND they were hand delivered to my door by a bloke with a haunted look in his eyes.“

    New friend with benefits;
    “Thanks for the info! I’ve got to get me some of those!...fancy a sh*g?

    You;
    “I’d hurry if I were you...stocks are probably limited.“


    There you have it, an almost certain everyday scenario that could involve your good self.

    BUY NOW!
    DON’T BE DISAPPOINTED THIS CHRISTMAS!!




    (...£50 charge for Hampton’s travel costs not included in RRP)



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