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    Things one ponders about during lockdown... Archived Message

    Posted by PhilRobbie on 26/4/2020, 8:21 pm

    As I gaze out from my penthouse suite balcony here in Burnage, it occurs to me that instead of wobbling about in The Spinning Top, I suddenly have more time to luxuriate in the more trivial things in life.
    For instance...why does that bowl fit on my head perfectly? how is it that When one crams half a jar of jam into my mouth the first instinct is to spit it out...even when it tastes ok in small doses? Why can’t I play the spoons...it looks so easy! but the thing on my mind at the moment is, why is it snowing so heavily here at Green End in Burnage....especially when it’s so warm everywhere else?
    A quick look on the internet gives the simple explanation as to why I have to take two lots of clothing when nipping to Aldi.
    Apparently I live in a quarter mile metrological anomaly known
    as ‘The Swartzchild/Seeliger Effect’ where due to atmospheric conditions caused in the main by McVities Biscuit works (Penguin/Boaster/Hob nob dust omitted from the premises and mixing with wind/residue from Levenshulme Cushion factory)...
    ...the weather becomes unstable over Heaton Moor Golf Club causing mayhem in Burnage (Green End to be exact)
    Secret documents that were recently recovered from Karl Schwartzchild’s family in Germany reveal that although he and so-called best friend Hugo Von Seeliger worked long into the Bavarian nights attempting to solve what they called ‘Dummes wetter uber Keksschuppen’ they in actual fact hated each other.
    The balloon would regularly go up over the most trivial of reasons such as who’s turn it was to buy lunch and perhaps a snide remark about the other’s trouser style. They once spent 17 years working together but only communicating by blowing raspberries that had to be translated to each other via their manservant Hans Boomzadiezy
    Hampered by the arguing the McVities weather boffins unfortunately never completed the much anticipated paper...so the exact dust to wind ratio still eludes us.
    But one thing can be explained by the existence of snow in summer....and it’s the reason why popsters ‘Oasis’ always wore ridiculous Parka coats in the summer months....they’d obviously just nipped out to Aldi.

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