08:00. Have a go at learning to juggle....how hard can it be?
08:05. Google how to glaze a broken window.
09:00. Give the band U2 a chance....can they really be that annoying?
09:00:15. Try your hand at writing a book....they say that everybody’s got a novel in them.
09:10. Google ‘How to combat writer’s block’
09:20. Learn how to empty Hoover bag.
09:23am. Hoover up new dust from all over living room carpet.
09:30. Decide to learn how to play that Spanish guitar that’s stored somewhere in the loft.
09:40. Email ‘Click n collect’ at B&Q for new sheet of plaster board.
09:50. Learn a new dance move.
09:55. Bin coffee table.
10:00. Have a brew!
12:00. Wake up and make lunch.
12:10. Realise that Pot Noodle is NOT ‘microwave friendly’.
12:15. Chippy.
12:45. Fix that loose light fitting....
12:46. Disentangle yourself from step ladders and try to remember where you put those bloody candles.
13:00. Phone an emergency Electrition then go to bed.
18:00. Thank emergency Electrition as he leaves shaking his head.
18:30. You’ve been awake for half an hour without breaking anything...celebrate with a few cans and perhaps a nip of Jack Daniels...if anybody deserves it...it’s you!
19:30. You’ve always scoffed at people who do Yoga...but it somehow feels like the perfect time to have a go!
19:35. Try to reach the phone for help.
19:40. Nod off.
20:05. Crawl to settee and turn on the box.
23:59. Awake to a live message from Irish short arse Bono who’s telling the world to stay in from his luxury 12 bedroom mansion that has its own bowling alley...(probably)
00:00. Throw empty bottle of Jack Daniels at telly rendering it useless for the rest of the lockdown.