Those of you that know me will realise that I’m not one for far-fetched conspiracy theories...but only yesterday near Portwood Roundabout I noticed a bloke who resembled an elderly Elvis staring skyward whilst on a mobile telephone. I followed his gaze and was amazed to note there were contrails in the up high! As we know it’s been a long standing rumour on the internet that Michael Jackson is circling the UK in JFK’s so called ‘lost’ Air Force One Presidential plane...nobody was particularly concerned that the ‘Wacko Jacko’ was riding high above us...as long as he’s not in the company of little boys...but nobody could understand why the pretend deceased popster would be doing such a weird thing. Until now that is! Think about it...he’s very bitter about the way his career was taking shape (he’s become so famous that popping down to Aldi had become awkward) so he decides to feign his own death then kill everybody else. He’s been rehearsing for years! You only have to look at the iconic images of him wearing a face mask and half a set of gloves. Not only that....there’s a mast near where Elvis was contacting Jackson. I’m off to burn it down! IS EVERYBODY WITH ME!?!!!