Stockport County Supporters Messageboard
[ Message Archive | Stockport County Supporters Messageboard ]

    Diary of a temporary Tesco worker. Day 3. Archived Message

    Posted by Des Jnr on 22/3/2020, 11:50 pm

    Diary of a temporary Tesco worker. Day 3.

    ***PLEASE SHARE IF THIS GIVES YOU A GIGGLE***

    Smashed another bottle all over the floor today. A bottle of some sort of Polish red juice. The day one Sauerkraut incident absolutely stank out the aisle. Today, the amount of red juice looked like I’d murdered someone. Also worried I might be a closet racist, as I’ve only smashed foreign food on the floor at the moment. I might seriously #### up a loaf of Warburtons tomorrow just to even things up a bit.

    After I’d dropped the juice (my second calamity in three days) one of my colleagues came up and said: “I didn’t drop a single bottle in my first three months here. I was on crisps though.” He can be my warm-up act if this adventure turns into a stand up comedy show.

    One girl dropped a full crate of Laughing Cow cheese everywhere today. I quipped: “Ah, I bet the cow isn’t laughing now.” Nobody laughed. I’m wasted in Tesco. I should be having dinner and cocktails with Stewart Lee and Stephen Fry every night.

    Spent a good few hours just by myself stacking all the crisps today. I’m being given a lot of responsibility and it’s only day three. In all the jobs I’ve ever had, I do take pride in my work, and I find myself really making sure the crisps look nice, facing forward, right section etc. Also, however, I’m talking to myself as I’m doing it, so I might be going slightly mad. Things like “No, stay there Quavers” and “Where do you live Wotsits?” 35 years on this planet and it’s gonna be Tesco that sends me to the loony bin.

    The store shut at 5pm today so after that it’s really casual at night. Music over the tannoy and a chance to half-work and half-pissabout. As we were stood around, one lad went flying past the end of the aisle on a trolley of cheese. One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Maybe you had to be there, though.

    ‘Fart Boy’ from yesterday was on form today, on three occasions:
    1) Asked me if Cheestrings burn if you take a lighter to them.
    2) Came up and asked me a question at the top of his voice when he had headphones in playing music. I genuinely thought he was taking the piss, but he honestly didn’t realise.
    3) As we were chatting about young people generally being okay and older people bring ####ed from Coronavirus, came out with this belter: “That’s cause we’re like brand new Ferrari’s aren’t we and they’re like shitty Morris Minors.”

    Day 4 tomorrow. (This place is beginning to grow on me)

    ***PLEASE SHARE IF YOU’VE ENJOYED THIS. IT’S GOOD THERAPY FOR ME!***

    Message Thread: