- Diary of a temporary Tesco worker. Day 2. Archived Message
Posted by Des Jnr
on 21/3/2020, 9:25 pm
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Diary of a temporary Tesco worker. Day 2: **Please share if this gives you a giggle or two. I think it would be funny as f*ck if this went viral** Started with a team meeting. Couple of questions from the manager: “Have you got gloves?” “Have you got a knife?” Shit! Have we got Grandma’s scrapping over bread rolls that I’m gonna have to go and deal with? Are we off to do an armed robbery at Sainsbury’s to stock up on bog rolls? Turns out we were just starting the day stocking the freezers. In the end, I didn’t need my gloves. Found it harder to work with them on. So I took them off. I was the only glove-less worker in the entire freezer section. Therefore, I am now the hardest lad at Tesco. I’ll be first on the frontline if we ever have it with Waitrose, the posh salmon-in-dill-sauce-eating b*stards. Continued to struggle trying to find where certain items go that I’ve never, ever bought in my life. Tinned Semolina being one of them. “Oh it goes there love,” says an old woman with a bobble hat on. This is the first job I’ve had where I’m being trained by the customers. Got called into the warehouse with all the other workers, where the manager gave us all a thank you card and some boxes of Celebrations and Heroes to share. Everyone here at Tesco Chester genuinely is lovely. (I made sure I got a Galaxy and a Malteaser straight away, seeing as I am the hardest lad at Tesco.) Stocked the vegetarian Quorn section myself, and to my shame, genuinely got excited at the thought of being able to buy my own dinner later that I’ve stacked on the shelves myself. Make a note to self that I really need to get a girlfriend, which shouldn’t be a problem now I am the hardest lad at Tesco. Started work with a new guy who has been tickling me all day. He’s the type of guy you’d write as your first character in a sitcom and base it all round him. He did a proper loud fart with a blissful nonchalance right in the middle of an aisle, saying: “Better out than in.” Also told me this was the store he used to come in through the front door, and helped himself to a bar of chocolate and a can of Coke which he finished off by the time he walked out the back door. I’ll probably end up being best man at his wedding. Followed a guy who picked up an entire cardboard crate of Heinz beans (Oh yeah, forgot to say, we’re back in stock!!!) and took them to the tills. Mainly as he properly pissed me off. And also just to keep an eye on our checkout staff, knowing they’d tell him he could only buy three tins, as a few have been abused last few days. As expected, he was told he could only have three tins, so I picked up the cardboard crate to take back, giving him a menacing dirty look as I did so. Crikey, I actually AM the hardest lad at Tesco. Our store is about to close now, and I’m about to spend my last hour or so stocking the shelves with milk, bread, eggs etc that we’ve kept in the back, ready for the NHS workers to buy who we’re opening early for in the morning. I’m not expecting a Pride Of Britain award or anything, but I’ve got a pretty warm glow inside knowing our incredible NHS workers will be able to come to our shop in the morning and get all the essentials they need, that I’ve spent my Saturday night stacking. (Although it’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to go, unless anyone knows of any secret Speakeasy style pubs open. Sod this virus, I do fancy one of those and be all 1920s American gangster for the evening.) Oh, and I spilled zero jars of Sauerkraut on the floor today. In just one day, I’ve got a 100% improvement on spilling jars of Sauerkraut. I’ll be in line for Employee of the Month at this rate. Well, you know what they say, every little helps. (He saves the shittest joke for last.) Day 3 tomorrow. |