Unaccustomed as I am to being a grumpy old fart may I ask why we need a DJ dropping (pur-lease!) tunes to boost the atmosphere before the match tonight? I don't go in pubs and clubs and smash a ball about to make patrons drink more. Mind you I've never been a fan of DJs. They should put records on, mumble unintelligibly into their microphone, wink at Nanas, have a buffet mix loop, and always have ‘Don't You Want Me’ by The Human League at hand get all the generations up on the dance floor if things are a little slow then take their £50, put their kit back in their maroon Ford Sierra estate and shuffle off home. Hardly rocket science. It’s DJs now but next it’s vuzuzelas. Where was I?

I wore it proudly 'round my neck