For a small fee (£56 per bin liner) my intrepid band of brothers will be on hand to rid you of your unwanted rubbish no matter what it is!
Oaf is aboard his trusty bike as I type this, decked out in an orange luminous jumpsuit with the legend C.R.A.P.P.E.R. emblazoned across his back...litter picker and bin bags in one hand and Steak Bake in the other the man mountain could be heading your....yes YOUR! way... once I receive your PM!
With co-worker Spangle sat in a cart attached to the rear of the bike they’re ready to go!
...but where’s Hampton I hear you ask...well he’s not been well due to a C.R.A.P.P.E.R. test run but we hope to have him back in the fold when his allergy (to unmarked toxic waste drums I had him move from a fetid pond on Reddish Vale) calms down and when the swelling eventually stops and his face is less purple...fear not!...he’ll be back with a vengeance!
I’m so exited I’ve even allowed The Dingler back on board!
He’s already eagerly awaiting the first truck full of bin liners at our disposal point (overlooking the River Mersey in the Bear Pit)...
I of course will be managing events from my front room in front of Netflix...Jaffa cakes and Jack Daniels will see me through the next few hours.
“Be it domestic, industrial or even hazardous s****
We are the firm to get rid of it!
The C.R.A.P.P.E.R. lads are no fools,
Soon your waste will be half way to Liverpool!”
(Our usual terms & conditions will apply)
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