Many things are going on here in preparation for Stacey's treatment. We have been to Oncology and met with the doctor. The various doctors, nurses, coordinators involved in Oncology have been calling, informing us of their part in treatment. She had a port put in the area of her lower neck-upper chest and chemo begins on the 17th. Yesterday the care coordinator called and gave us an hour's worth of information on what to expect.
I have had a pain in the abdomen for almost a month now, have been to the ER for a CT scan per my internist, nothing new and unusual shows but I am still in pain. My oldest daughter had a root canal on an infected tooth, which kept flaring up for weeks, making her miserable. Yesterday it was deemed a failure, and pulled. She also developed bad pains in the abdomen and had to go to the ER in the middle of the night. She is shaky, extremely anxious, and tearful. My youngest daughter has become difficult to work with, she can't seem to remember the things that were second nature as far as helping care for Mike, she is doubly resentful of everything she was resentful of before, much of it untrue, but we all know she has never been the same since after the birth of her second child. Mike is not doing well, symptoms have worsened, and he has become very needy. Stacey is doing the best of all, but of course she is not quite her old self and who can blame her. What she faces is not encouraging. I am working 16-18 hours a day, filling in for those who can't work or those that can't seem to work anymore. I have lost two helpers. I am sleeping in the recliner in the room with Mike, getting up every 2 hours to give meds, and often he wakes me for things like put on the a/c, or change him, or thinking it's time for pills when it's not. Last night I was awakened every hour to hour and a half. After several weeks of this, I don't know who I am anymore. Every day I wake I am aware of what Stacey is facing and am fighting to keep my thoughts from going in the wrong direction. Of all of us, Stacey is accomplishing the most, and maintaining the best outlook, but there is a tremendous amount of pain, she is being treated with drugs, and tears often fill her eyes. She is my sunshine, the one who takes care of everything and everyone. If anything happens to her, I do not want to go on.
I'm glad I still have you, my Brooklyn friends. You are all precious to me. Please take care.
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