Stacey loves to garden. She is in a lot of pain, but tried today to pull some weeds and plant some lilies. It was hard for her, she did it, but is resting now from the effort. The oncologist told her to try and be active, but she is limited. Her treatment begins July 17, almost two months from diagnosis. So many days went by in between all the tests they needed to do, and they are so ucking fay busy. I swore I would hurry them up, but somehow I couldn't. What else could I have done but voice my concern, and they gave me all sorts of reasons why it was the way it was. Kaiser is such a big bureaucracy, so many offices involved, so many different tests, the time just kept going by between each scheduled test. I was told that once it has already spread, there is no rush.
The UCLA doctor who was so gung-ho to see her and fitted her in immediately, has also gotten silent. We have not heard from him in two weeks, altho we've left messages. I'm trying hard to believe they know what they're doing, rather than they just don't care or have given up. Their schedule is full. They tell me Covid makes things worse. July 4 means no one works on holidays. I want to scream. She is very sick. I am beginning to think I've made mistakes in not screaming and yelling at everyone, but would it have helped? Could I have threatened them? The time has already gone, I am sick when I think about it. She is so beautiful and vibrant, she keeps everything going, she is my light.
Today, July 4th, was my mother's birthday, and the birthday of my sister's mother-in-law, same day, same year. When they met they became fast friends until they were separated by death. We were often together, Sunday dinners, holidays, road trips. Remembering them is a happy thing, life was good.
The kids made a nice dinner tonight, barbecued ribs, grilled chicken, macaroni salad, corn. Mike and I watched a 4th of July show with music and fireworks from many major cities. It was nice to see a celebration of our country instead of those who don't love America.
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