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Why don't we

Posted by I'mNotGonna on 7/15/2025, 2:06 pm

ever say the names of the toxic people we work with?? I have changes jobs/moved cities because of a coworker who was a complete, well that doesn't matter. But any time I mention that I would be honest if someone asked me about him, I am always warned not to bad mouth someone. Why do we do that?? Those people end up staying in their position just continuing to release their toxicity unto others and those that leave just move on. I mean, I'm not gonna do it, just wondering what others think.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by Exercise on 7/17/2025, 5:34 pm, in reply to "Why don't we"

There are subtle ways of getting the message across without directly stating it.

In my opinion, it's not worth it. Eventually these toxic people will crash and burn.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by conn88h on 7/17/2025, 1:11 pm, in reply to "Why don't we"

The toxic person is not worth your time and effort. Do not let them live in your head. Take the high road, move on. You will be better off in the long run.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by hmmmm on 7/16/2025, 6:15 pm, in reply to "Why don't we"

I don't know. Maybe because of being sued for slander? Even if you want to come back and say, "well they did this or said this when I worked there," It's your opinion. They may think that YOU are the toxic person and were impossible to work with. That would also be an opinion.

If you were harassed, your legal recourse would have been to file a grievance and start the process for a lawsuit. Once the lawsuit has been settled, there may be language that prohibits you from talking about it with others in the field, idk.

Best thing to do is to focus on your new job and forget about the jerks you left behind. I mean, if you want to vent to family members or a close, trusted friend, fine. But, be careful of spreading general gossip if it could hurt that person's career in any way.

If it makes you feel any better, we have all been screwed over or mistreated at some point in our careers. Even then toxic person who gave you trouble. Yep, even the prominent folks in our profession who hold leadership positions in our state music associations. This is a business that deals with egos and human beings. We've all been stomped on, trust me.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by My experience on 7/17/2025, 9:41 am, in reply to "Re: Why don't we"

I had several hurt me. I’m now retired. I forgave them in my heart and never retaliated. But I saw all of them get hurt worse than they hurt me. What goes around always comes around. Sometimes takes a long time. But it always eventually comes around. Always be kind. Doing otherwise means it will come back on you.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by hmmmmm on 7/17/2025, 4:24 pm, in reply to "Re: Why don't we"

Good advice. Yes forgive, but don't be a doormat, and I know that you are not saying be a doormat. I'm just saying this in general terms for anyone reading. Forgive, but do not allow anyone to cross the line by violating your legal rights. Some bridges are worth "burning" or even blowing up in very rare cases. Choose the burning bridge sparingly and only in extreme circumstances. The two bridges that burned, helped future applicants to avoid my fate. And, those bridges never hurt my career one bit. I Like you, have had several hurt me, as well. I did hear of some of the more heinous ones getting Karma, later on. As far as being kind, well that's a two way street for me. I won't go out of my way to get back at a past toxic person, I'll just stay away from them and keep them out of my life. Makes it a win/win for both of us. I'm retired, too.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by Hmm on 7/16/2025, 12:10 pm, in reply to "Why don't we"

My momma always said, "There are three sides to a story: yours, mine, and the truth.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by Beagle on 7/16/2025, 8:39 am, in reply to "Why don't we"

Toxic isn’t actionable, it’s an opinion. Badmouthing someone is slander, and is actionable.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by Me on 7/16/2025, 5:52 pm, in reply to "Re: Why don't we"

But mention the facts. Head director has had a new assistant director every two years for over a decade.

Re: Why don't we

Posted by Me on 7/16/2025, 9:28 pm, in reply to "Re: Why don't we"

"Head director trains directors so well that they leave and take on other programs every two years."

"Head director is so 'toxic' that people can't work for them for more than two years."

Both can be true, and both are opinions. That's why we don't name names and don't share stuff like them.

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