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Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Thoughts on 2/20/2023, 2:40 pm

Do band directors suffer from Stockholm syndrome? Although that may sound kinda funny or confusing, stay with me for a second. When I was a younger director I basically lived in the band hall. I would work 12 hours a day and on the weekends. I would go up there by myself and just work on things. Looking back it wasn't really necessary, I just kept myself busy and felt compelled to work. All my friends at the time were band directors. At least I thought they were friends. The reality is they were just colleagues. My work and social life were intertwined. I talked band 100% of the time.

I somehow got lucky and married someone out of the profession (we met on a dating app). IT OPENED MY EYES! All of a sudden I had something else to do. I actually enjoyed being outside of the band hall. It was a revelation! Furthermore, I started making new friends who WEREN'T band directors. The conversations were interesting, and I learned so much about the outside world.

What I found even more interesting about my new friends was that they also had diverse groups of friends. They didn't completely surround themselves with just work colleagues. I always assumed that people just socialized within their work circles but it wasn't the case at all.

I think we sometimes need to shake things up. Gain new perspectives and realize the job is just that, a job. By the way, we rarely talk about work in my new social group. It's refreshing to be able to disconnect from work, I think many more people in the education world should try it.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Band director on 3/5/2023, 11:21 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

It's been my experience that one on one band directors are great people, BUT get us in a group and we tend to be a bunch of chest pumping, know it all's, better than everyone else.. just not pleasant people to be around.
It's healthy to have some colleagues to vent to and to get some ideas from, and hard as it is the find time to socialize period with the hours we work, try to find non band people to be around.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by banddirhdg on 2/22/2023, 9:31 pm, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

I met my wife in the University Band. We have been happily married for a long time. Our life is music: work, church, hobbies, vacations. I agree, don't spend too much time in the Band Hall.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by SwedishGuy on 2/22/2023, 11:11 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

Definitely has nothing to do with Stockholm Syndrome - However, yes, overworking is unhealthy.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by OP on 2/23/2023, 8:30 am, in reply to "Re: Stockholm Syndrome"

I wasn't being literal but this job does feel like it takes people hostage at times but people seem to love it!

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Me on 2/23/2023, 12:55 pm, in reply to "Re: Stockholm Syndrome"

I love it. I play in community groups outside of school. I like to talk shop and don't mind if that's all is said. Got kids too and we are one big happy band-steeped family.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by DudeBro on 2/22/2023, 9:22 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

I tell myself all the time -
When it comes to my identity as a human, I am not, "a band director".
I am a husband and father who is interested in many things, and happens to teach band.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Relatable on 2/21/2023, 4:01 pm, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

In my 20's I was caught up in the hustle and grind, volunteering for board positions, lots of extra stuff. In my 30's I've stopped identifying myself as solely a "band director" and branched out to find new interests. I still strive to do well and challenge my students musically, but I don't care to spend more time than "necessary" in the Band Hall. What's wild is that... the sun still rises every day and I feel content with the quality of my work.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Agreed on 2/21/2023, 2:14 pm, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

Yep, get out of the dang band hall! There's no good reason to work yourself to the bone.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Former Small School Guy on 2/21/2023, 10:59 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

I've stopped hanging around band directors. We can be a toxic group and I've just had way too many encounters with other band directors that are way to negative. It's always about work and it's always about others.
I also met someone out of the profession and her life is so drastically different from mine: paid more, more respect at work, more opportunity for advancement, reasonable hours, and when work is done work is done. It doesn't bleed into personal life.Her friends (all except one isnt in education) all lead interesting lives and have had experiences I'll never be able to have on my own and they're fun to talk to and be around. Other band directors, by and large, not so much.

I can have cordial and professional relationships with other directors but it stops there.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by Dosed on 2/21/2023, 8:53 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

Welcome to the rest of your life <3

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by rimshot on 2/21/2023, 8:32 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

100% I refuse to stay late and kill myself!!! I believe my kids love band just as much if not more than other programs because we don't kill them.

Re: Stockholm Syndrome

Posted by ForeverN00B on 2/21/2023, 7:40 am, in reply to "Stockholm Syndrome"

Sounds like a good Masters or Doctorial thesis topic.

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