The Yellow Board

The Price is Success

Posted by Dennis on 11/4/2022, 8:21 am

In all competitive professions there is a price to be paid for countless hours of work. As much as we love our calling we ultimately make sacrifices with family matters. Being filled with regret at the poor choices in my own life I encourage you directors to re-evaluate your priorities.
Please share your thoughts on coping with this dilemma.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by BD on 11/9/2022, 11:31 pm, in reply to "The Price is Success"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Art Vandelay on 11/8/2022, 12:38 pm, in reply to "The Price is Success"

I think that different phases of life bring on different needs for your job.

I absolutely loved living the band life my first 6 years of teaching. Sectionals, Friday nights, Saturday marching, Auditions, Tshirts, Fundraisers and everything about GROWING a program. It's a challenge and I was up for it!

Then with my own kids, I switched to teaching beginners and do almost none of those after school things.

Eventually though I'll go back to the big Competitive band program and live my busy life again! It's fun to grow something bigger than yourself that everyone is proud to be a part of...

The question is - Can you make the change before it consumes you?

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Thunder on 11/7/2022, 11:04 am, in reply to "The Price is Success"

4A head director here, 12 years in.

I completely understand where you're coming from. I've had to work hard to find the balance for me, a husband and a father of a 6 year old.

Early on in my career I had an improper priority list. I put my job as a director on par with my job as a husband. So much so that when my wife asked me "What would you do if I went into labor on the day of UIL?" and my response was "I'll get there when contest is over" was exactly the WRONG response, and I don't say that because she got mad, but because at no point should my job take that level of precedence.

Now that my son is 6 and I have evaluated and re-organized my priority list, I'm come down to the following.

1. My faith
2. My family
3. Everything else.

I may never be competitive at the state marching contest, I may never make honor band, I may never have 20 kids in the all-state band. But at the end of the day my son is not going to remember where my band placed at the state contest, he won't remember the band making honor band, he won't remember how many kids made the all state band. He will remember, however, me coming to his baseball games, his soccer games, and taking him camping with the boy scouts.

As much as I love my kids as family, at the end of the day my wife and son will be beside me when I die, not them. My students are important, but not more important than my wife and son.

I keep that in mind when I make my decisions on how much time I demand of myself and my students and scheduling rehearsals. If I leave home before my son gets up and don't get home until after he goes to bed (as it was with my father being a restaurant owner when I was growing up) then I am not doing my job as a father that I believe my faith teaches me to do.

But to summarize: a state title or a bunch of kids in the all state band don't mean more to me than being there for my wife and son.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Never on 11/8/2022, 10:48 am, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

Never put faith above family.

I agree with everything else, but faith and religion brings out the worst in people not the best.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Me on 11/12/2022, 7:21 am, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

I never seek faith advice from the yellow board

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Thunder on 11/8/2022, 3:14 pm, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

Then let me clarify:

I don't mean my religion. I do not put my church or church activities above my family. I do not choose to leave my family for church - we travel and worship together.

My faith informs me how to be a husband and a father. I had my faith before I had my spouse and my child - a blessing from God in my eyes.

My role with them, how I treat them, and how they fit into my life are informed by my faith. I do not elevate them above my faith in God, but they elevate my faith in God as I believe I am supposed to elevate theirs. My role, as informed by my faith, is to treat my wife as Christ treated the church. To be the spiritual head of my household, and to raise my child in the values taught by my faith.

I do realize that some put their church or their religion above their families. That is not biblical, nor is it correct. It can absolutely be a form of idolatry. I also know that others choose to weaponize their faith for the destruction of others. Both of those are violations of my faith.

I believe that those people are the ones you are referencing.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by saveotherfathers on 11/6/2022, 10:03 am, in reply to "The Price is Success"

Your job as a parent should be to raise your family first, and other families second. Prioritize accordingly.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Small school on 11/5/2022, 4:31 pm, in reply to "The Price is Success"

Be efficient with rehearsal time and intentional with family time. All careers are time consuming at parts of the year to be successful. You decide on how much outside of school time you want to put in. Bottom line, if you plan for 2 hours outside of school rehearsal for marching band or sectional or whatever you will get it done in 2 hours. If you plan 8 hours you will find a way to get it done in 8 hours.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by In a nutshell on 11/5/2022, 11:40 am, in reply to "The Price is Success"

We've painted ourselves into a corner.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by stx on 11/4/2022, 5:10 pm, in reply to "The Price is Success"

As I get closer to retirement, I can also look back with regret at times I've neglected my family because the band "needed" me.
I've learned not to care what other directors think of me. The ones who know me well enough know I give my all while at work.
Make time for yourself and your family. When all is said and done, they will be the ones who matter.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Older than dirt on 11/4/2022, 11:39 am, in reply to "The Price is Success"

Having passed on playing a few rounds of "horse" with my son after my band day was finished I regret not being involved with his interests. I attended one of his games but missed a 3 pointer at another game but band was more important.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by unsure on 11/4/2022, 11:01 am, in reply to "The Price is Success"

I'm still trying to figure this one out. I also don't want to be known as the "lazy" or "bad" director so it's tough.

This job doesn't leave you with a lot of choice. Either do a great job and neglect your family, or don't and watch your program suffer.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by 2A guy on 11/6/2022, 11:00 am, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

I paid the price before. Then moved to a school where I work with my wife as an assistant. And I teach my children. And I hear from large school directors that we can't possibly be successful with only 1 2 hour rehearsal outside of the day. But we are consistent State Marching contestants and OPS contenders. After a divorce I learned family first. Band second. And we learned to be extremely efficient.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Former Small School Guy on 11/5/2022, 2:05 pm, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

I think you're wrong.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Something's got to give on 11/4/2022, 5:18 pm, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

After 14 years of 4a-5a I got out of the rat race. I discovered life outside of the band hall in 3a-2a schools. I closed the band hall doors at 4pm and didn't look back. No sectionals, no night practices, and no cares in the world except for family. I didn't give up on music and competitions, but they were not my first priority any more.
If you're efficient with your rehearsal time you can get the job done within the school day. I had 15 Sweepstakes and 2 Honor Bands in my last 17 years.
I have never envied the hours you folks in 6a put in. I am a small town guy and have never missed the rat race!

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Wish on 11/8/2022, 7:46 am, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

I wish I had made that decision earlier in my career and gone a different path. Wise words you speak.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Something's got to give 2 on 11/6/2022, 9:02 am, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

Sacrifices were made and budgets were cut. The elementary music teacher retired and the supt. decided I would cover that job squeezing band into 3 periods. I refused, resigned, and moved to another job for my 30th year before retiring. I returning as a part-time director doing only band 3 periods a day for the next 12 years.
We lost student population dropping from a 3a high school of 225 to a 2a of 155 at that time. We phased out all-region/all-state and solo-ensembles do to after school activities.
Interest in band picked up dramatically after we took the band to SMC and our 2nd Honor Band. Going from 40 kids to 105 in 6 years was hard work for a part-timer and I was glad to finally retired for good.

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Percguy on 11/4/2022, 3:34 pm, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

What exactly defines doing a "great job" to you?

What does it mean to have your program "suffer"?

Re: The Price is Success

Posted by Very Sure(Successful) on 11/6/2022, 3:02 pm, in reply to "Re: The Price is Success"

Great Job: Continual Sweepstakes. Program Suffering: Kids NOT thinking band is the most important program in school, and you are not selected "Teacher of the Year".

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