The Yellow Board

Am I alone?

Posted by Discouraged on 1/20/2021, 12:45 pm

I'm in my 19th year, and this year is the first time I've truly questioned my job. I'm sure part of it's Covid, but today in class the dumb questions that I can usually blow off just struck a nerve and I actually found myself looking forward to retirement (nine years away). Has anybody else had this happen to them?

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Legion on 1/28/2021, 9:44 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

NOpe. You are not alone.

I"ve been teaching for 25 years, but being a military spouse, I only have 14 years in Texas retirement. I am working on my escape plan daily.

When I realized how teaching was so abusive to teachers, I couldn't unsee it, and I decided I could help teachers and students better from the outside.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by No one on 1/28/2021, 11:48 am, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I'm in year 8 and leaving the profession to go back to school and become an SLP. I've always had my doubts about doing this forever, but covid was the last straw for me. Looking forward to something new.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by same on 1/25/2021, 3:09 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I'm only in year 7 but I have questioned my job most of this year. Like you said, I'm sure part of it is Covid but it's still very exhausting. I feel alone a lot of the time too so I understand your pain. Good luck the rest of the year, we can make it!

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Kelly Bennette on 1/22/2021, 11:03 am, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I was not tired of band directing, but I was frustrated with being stuck with choir for non singers, because they need fine arts credit class, study hall, because we need to put them somewhere class. I also got tired of ignorant administrators. The good ones were great. The ignorant ones were not. When I was eligible to retire, I disappeared like a Nissan in the Ninth Ward. I am still very involved with music. I am writing an awful lot of concert band music and play in several community bands. I play in the ACB convention band, windjammers circus band and the national community band every year. I love being retired. I highly recommend it. Just stick with and when you can, make like Diana Ross and ease on down the road. Make like Tom and Cruise. Make like Michael Jackson and beat it. Things will be better when covid 19 slows down. Dumb questions will always be with us.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Kilgore Trout on 1/22/2021, 8:29 am, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I'm going through this myself. Much different situation, but same basic feeling of discouragement and anxiety, almost daily. 3 years from retirement, so I can't bail out now. Nothing really to add except to say "You are not alone!"
Hang in there!

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Warhawk on 1/21/2021, 1:31 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

No, I have a class of beginners that has me in that boat. They're either pretty good or just plain bad - can't play the right partials despite being moved to lower instruments, can't remember fingerings past line 10 (EE-2000), or can't remember fingers from line 1 to line 2 to line 3, etc.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Me on 1/21/2021, 8:55 am, in reply to "Am I alone?"

Actually going through this right now. It has pushed me to turn my hobby into a business.

Going to see if it has the potential to become my income or if it will just be a side business.

I have 4 1/2 years before retirement.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by STX on 1/21/2021, 8:44 am, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I feel your pain. We've been almost 100% virtual all year. Tuesday I had my first after school rehearsal since all this started. 2 kids showed. In my 23 years of teaching, this has been my most discouraging. I very much agree that we have to look for the positive things and the blessings we have outside of our jobs.
But I won't lie. I qualify for retirement in 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving the profession.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by OP on 1/20/2021, 10:39 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

I appreciate those that have responded. I didn't mention that we weren't able to start beginners on instruments until last week. Our junior high band that we were banking on to get the HS numbers up (one of the reasons I was hired) are now starting to question band next year. Not because of me, but because of the impossible situation we had with Covid. My administration has been beyond supportive and understanding....they know this has been hard on everyone, especially the extra curriculars, but for the first time since my second year I have truly found myself asking "is this worth it?"

Again, thanks for the responses. I'm trying to keep my head up. You all do the same!

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Well... on 1/20/2021, 6:04 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

You are not alone. We started the fall with a month of virtual. We started this semester with a month of virtual (for preemptive reasons...not because of a "super spreader" issue).

I will have to start my 6th graders completely over from Line 1 when we start back in person on Monday. During the fall term, once we started in person, the 6th grade was quarantined three separate times for a total of 6 weeks. 75% of the parents refuse to have their kids participate in virtual learning...their "logic" being is that it's really a vacation, not a safety measure to allow learning to continue. When I explain to the kids that 2 quarter notes equal 1 half note (1+1=2)...the response I get is "I wanna quit."

JH & HS are for the most part better as far as comprehension...but kids are allowed to go back and forth between virtual learning, and in person *at will*. Once the kid goes virtual however, they go "on vacation", and good luck getting anything from them. In many cases when a kid comes back to in person, they last about a week, and then go back to virtual. I have yet to have the same HS band in rehearsal twice, and while they are decent players, this type of inconsistency is detrimental to their overall playing. Just think how fun it was teaching drill this fall! While I have the support of my JH/HS principal, when I told the superintendent that I wasn't taking the band to marching contest, he looked at me as if I walked into his office and peed on his desk. Fortunately, since C/SR is in late April, and I have enough kids showing up in person consistently where I can take advantage of the change in UIL rules this year...go non-varsity and play super easy (we're 2A), and should still be respectable.

In the short time I've been here, ratings have gone up. However I haven't been happy here for other reasons...and, to be honest, I've spent the last 2 years slamming my head against the wall and all I really have to show for it is a bad headache. Yes the ratings have improved, but numbers have gone down, and the town is more interested in "counting uniforms" than anything else (they're giving the FB coach a hard time because we had the smallest HS FB team in numbers in 25 years...even though we won district this fall). In the 95 year history of the school, the band has earned four 1s in marching, and 1 Sweepstakes. I have been sending out resumes and applications already...but I am *almost* at the point that I would rather resign without another position lined up and risk unemployment than be here next year.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by BDSO on 1/20/2021, 5:41 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

You are not alone. This is year 22 for me. I willingly admit that this year has beaten me. I've had rough years before (my first two years were disasters including straight fours in marching and C&SR my second year). This year is different. I feel like my assistant and I are the only ones that care about the band. This includes students and adults. Even the "good kids" are lacking any sort of commitment this year. Since school started back 2 1/2 weeks ago, we've only seen 11 different students in the top band, 12 in the 2nd band, and 6 in the third band. The beginners have had the lowest in person number during that time all year long. Online numbers are pathetic. And, forget about getting any playing "assignments" from the kids. My assistant and I have build this program from the bottom up in the last 15 years and we are now seeing it destroyed by a lack of commitment and dedication. Commitment and dedication that we thought were there but were apparently a smokescreen. I love my band students. I live among them (seven on my short street) and for most of them I've taught their siblings from the very beginning. But, this year has made me question not only my worth in the program and community but my ability to stay in this past this year. This from someone who wanted to be a band director since 4th grade and against the odds, achieved my dream.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by everybody on 1/20/2021, 5:21 pm, in reply to "Am I alone?"

All band directors go through this many times during his/her career. Covid or not. Hang in there and enjoy the good things in your life. Celebrate the dawn, coffee, movies, family, loved ones, sunsets etc.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Dennis Syring on 2/10/2021, 10:39 am, in reply to "Re: Am I alone?"

After 42 years of teaching in Texas my wife and I retired before Covid 19 hit. Our last 12 years we retired/rehired at our old school. Administration put all the band classes in the morning so we were through by 12 each day. It was ideal not having to teach or babysit classes we did not want to teach.
Finding a school that allows retire/rehiring may be rare but I can highly recommend it for teachers
who have their 30 years in.

Re: Am I alone?

Posted by Amen! on 1/21/2021, 9:10 am, in reply to "Re: Am I alone?"

This exactly!

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