Especially during a time like this (UIL C/SR), a lot of band directors right now are putting a lot of self-worth into whatever number the judge circles on the paper. Our evaluation as directors is public for the world to see - forever. At least as long as we have UILForms.
I am highly guilty of this. And it happened to me today. I've been mostly a Division 1 highly stressed out guy my whole career, and today I got 2s. I know exactly where I went wrong and what I can do to make it better next time. When we are unsuccessful, we question our self-worth, and it makes the music education business seem extremely unappealing. This is especially true when there are way less stressful careers out there that pay more.
But honestly though... Nobody cares. Really, nobody cares. Even the band students. They were bummed for a few minutes, then they were laughing and having fun with their friends on the bus ride back home.
You have to detach your self-worth from band. All of us are worth so much more than whatever rating we get, whatever marching placement we get, whatever numbers we have on the enrollment sheet, whatever PDAS evaluation nonsense we get from some AP who's never set foot in your band hall all year.
What's going to happen if you are unsuccessful? Well, the world keeps spinning, the paychecks keep coming, your family keeps coming first AS IT SHOULD. Because..... Say it with me:
It's just band.
The worst nightmare I could imagine for myself when I'm gone is "He was a rock-star band director, but a terrible husband and father." My self-worth is SO MUCH MORE than band. Many band directors are realizing that you can't have both in this profession because of the environment we have created for ourselves (UIL, BOA, TMEA), so we are seeing them choose between career or family. It's that simple.
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