In a really low place right now and feel super isolated.

I had to relocate and ended up taking a job mid-year. Program was left in pretty good shape, but is still in the rebuild post-COVID.

Things we going well at first, but we just had our first actual contest (for jazz) and we made a 3...never have I gotten a 3 ever, even as a student. And I just don't know what to do moving forward. The students (older ones, in particular) are starting to seem a little bit "sour" and want me to do things more like their older directors, which includes not only spoon feeding them music but also cutting people out when they can't play something. Fundamentally- both of those go against everything I believe in as a teacher, and not what good music education is, in my mind.

It seems to me they are used to playing the ratings game, which I understand, and it's certainly what my admin understands. I've tried reaching out to them (both campus level and district) and just don't seem to be getting much help. The students are also wondering where the extra help is, as in the past they've had private teachers and clinicians come in. I've tried contacting the few people I know in the area, but everyone is either already booked or simply doesn't respond. I have an assistant but they also run their own program at a feeder middle school.

I don't want to throw in the towel after one semester, but the past couple of weeks have been really hard on me. I know anyone in their right mind would just say "leave", but I can't at this point. TMEA was not restorative, and I left feeling much worse about myself and had no positive takeaways (though the North Texas concert was fantastic).

Not really looking for help or advice, just need a place to vent anonymously.