I use to have some of the same problems with insomnia. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Turns out, my body was afraid of dying lol. So, I stayed awake a lot. Since I've been on my bipap machine I sleep really well and am only mildly grumpy with my kids. =) The supporting your family financially is actually hitting me really hard right now as I put my kids through college. There's never enough money at this stage. If you're scared of moving on and really need money financially, I have begun to do uber and doordash lately to supplement my pay. Also, I checked into the local music store and they hired me to teach lessons one day a week. That alone has been a life saver financially. Also, it might be time to look at downsizing the kind of place you live in and/or the kind of vehicles you drive. Also, the sleeping thing could be health related. When I was on a consistent diet program and exercised I felt better than I do now. Most of all, there's a reason why you chose to do music. There's a reason why you chose to stick with it through a really hard degree program. There's a reason why your gut tells you to stick with it. Call somebody you trust, that has success, and ask them how they run their program. Be opened minded and really listen to what they say. It's ok to be vulnerable in our profession. Maybe there are easier, more effective ways to go about this thing called band directing. I switched to having my beginners do a playoff system this year instead of me being in their face constantly. It worked so well that I'm dedicating large parts of my ms and hs rehearsals to this strategy as well. I hope you find the path that makes you happier because life is way too short to be upset about. Cancer patients live hour to hour hoping they can survive. You're in a position to thrive! Carpe diem!! Mold the life you want into what it is that you want out of it.