Being a listener and trying to understand the other person's perspective is important. Learning to put other people before your own wants and needs is important.
And to be fair, we all know band is not just marching band Fridays and Saturdays. Night rehearsals, sectionals, region auditions, fundraisers, concerts, colorguard contests, percussion contests, booster meetings and the list goes on and on.
Some families make it work and the other spouse deals with the hours but some spouses need help and don't want to come second to a job.
Band directors and their drive to win or whatever do sacrifice their personal lives. That's their choice but to say someone who doesn't want that life for their family or kids is "whining" is very inaccurate and tone deaf.