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Re: Not sure I have or can force myself to have the correct personality for this job
Keep in mind that a college degree opens many doors, not just in the discipline that you are currently working with. Many jobs just want you to have a college degree to show that you will work hard. It gives you validation to them. Sure there might be other side training that you'll have to do in order to make it work but it sounds like exploring that might be worth something for you to take a look at. As I sit in a job I hate I can assure you that there's no need to stick around in a career that you hate. From the way you describe this it doesn't sound like the place you're at is the problem. Go online and search for careers where you have the qualifications (i.e. college degree) and check out the salaries. Many will pay close to or more than what you're currently getting and your happiness will improve drastically. Best of luck.
They always say “fake it till you make it” and for years I tried that. But I am not, nor can I seem to conjure up the forceful personality that is needed to deal with this career. Every other teacher I look at has this drive or empathy or baseline aura about them that commands respect from their students, and I can’t figure out how to emulate that. I’m either a doormat because my natural personality is very much non-confrontational, or a complete joke to the students when I do put on my “teacher face”. There is no balance to be struck and I’ve tried everything I can think of.
It’s started to make me resent this career and my personality and regret ever choosing this path but I’ve already blown money on this degree so there’s nothing to do about it. It’s getting to the point where even if there was some hidden way to “fix” myself I wouldn’t consider it worth it because then I’m just a completely different person every single day at work.
Not even sure why I posted this, mostly just venting more than anything. Depression sucks.