Posted by Peter on 12/5/2002, 6:36 am
Board Administrator

On Elizabeth's 30th birthday, also our 12th wedding anniversary, I took her to a really fine restaurant for dinner. We had the misfortune to strike one of those uppity waitresses who seem to feel they are doing you a favour by venting their bad temper on you. She was a large heavily built girl with black hair, quite attractive in a surly kind of way, aged in her early twenties. I went to the mens room and returned to the table. I said to Elizabeth "I'm not going to let her spoil our evening, darling, I'll tell her to send the maitre'd over then I'll tell him to give us another waitress." She said smiling "No, don't do that, darling, I have a much better idea!" I looked at her across the table, at thirty, a more stunningly beautiful woman than ever. I knew better than to question her when she made a statement like that. The waitress returned and was deliberately offhand in taking our orders, slopped some water into our glasses and made to leave. "Oh, and this is for you, Sweetie." said Elizabeth pressing a note into her hand, which she must have written while I was in the men's room "I'd suggest you read it for the sake of your health." Needless to say the service improved dramatically for the rest of the evening. The waitress became very respectful and attentive - to the point where the service became intrusive and I had to tell her to go away. I'd never seen so much sucking up. On the way home in the car Elizabeth couldn't stop giggling. Eventually, unable to stand it any longer, I had to say "OK you win, what was in that note you gave her?" At this stage her eyes were watering she was laughing so hard "I kept a copy. I knew you and Emma would want to see it. I'll give it to you when we get home." The note read: Dear Waitress Person We need to understand each other. I don't really care what YOU THINK your problems are. If you continue to annoy me with your boorish behaviour your biggest problem WILL BE the fact that I will be waiting for you when you finish work. By the time I am done, you will have lost your sense of smell, ability to breathe in comfort, chew corn on the cob, pass water or bear children. Peter