Posted by Greg It can be really scary to even admit to yourself that you might be gay. It's definitely a life-changing realization. I'm not going to try to hide the fact that it's not always easy being gay. We face a lot of issues that straight people never have to deal with. But at the same time, if you allow yourself (and that can be REALLY hard) to love yourself no matter what, others will love you for who you are, too. There are some resources I would like you to check out when you feel comfortable enough to do so. The most useful, though, I would say is PFLAG (Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), and you can find them at http://www.pflag.org . This is a website for a national organization dedicated to helping LGBT people and their families and friend through the rough times. And don't forget, we do the same thing here at the Ellen Bommarito LGBT Center of UM-Flint. Now, to answer your question about your friend that you find yourself liking, let's see what options you have. The first is just to be honest with him, if you feel comfortable enough. Go about it slowly and carefully, but honesty really is the best policy, both for him and for you. But that's not always a viable option for everyone, especially if you are just in the process of coming out. So you have a few other ways to see if he might also be attracted to you. The first is to bring up gay issues you see in the world around you. Look at the news, tv, movies, etc., and mention it ambiguously to him, and see what he has to say. He might react against it, and there would be your answer. He might be (semi-)supportive, letting you know that he could be gay or bisexual, or just an ally. In either case, he could remain a good friend, if not more. What I do suggest, though, is to not necessarily be looking to settle down completely with someone right now. Believe me, most of the LGBT people I know wanted to do the same thing when they first came out. Some did, and are extremely happy. Others did not. The main point here is that you are going through a life-changing transition right now, and you need the time to figure out who you are. I am by no means trying to dissuade you from entering into a potentially good relationship, but I want to make sure that you are comfortable enough with yourself before trying to become part of an "us." As far as that part goes, just look around for positive gay images. They are out there, believe me. Also, try to make some gay or lesbian friends. That's crucial to beginning to understand what life is like for LGBT people. We have a lot of really great people in the LGBT Center here at UM Flint that would all love to make a new friend. Feel free to come on up and meet us sometime. Our office schedule is a little wonky at times, but, but we are usually here between 11 (at the latest) and 5 (at the earliest). If we are gone in that time period, we probably just went to get lunch and bring it back, so feel free to wait for us in the Women's Educational Center or in Student Life next door. If we are going to be gone for longer, we will always leave a note on our dry erase board on the door. If you have ANY questions, please feel free to write back either here or at my email (I am the director of the LGBT Center, by the way), or give us a call at 810.766.6606. I hope all goes well from you and I hope to meet you sometime in the future :-)
on 11/13/2006, 11:49 am, in reply to "help me"
141.216.1.4
Howdy, first, let me start off by saying that you are not alone in how you feel. I know if feels that way, and it is going to for a while, but just so you know, there are thousands of people in the US that are going through exactly the same issues that you are dealing with. With that being said, let me also say that I know it doesn't mean much. When you feel alone and confused, it doesn't matter that other people are in the same boat. But hopefully knowing that you are not alone, and that there are others going through and that have already gone through these issues can help you through.
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