I had no idea that after I lost Shiloh that I would be running into what I call the "firsts". Like yesterday with my HVAC seasonal check. It's the first one that Shiloh wasn't in her cage, calling out to me while the techs worked and honestly? I didn't know how to interact with them. It's as if I have to relearn non-Shiloh situations. I can't figure out the dynamics. At one point I felt as if there was too much space around me.
Cathy
Re: "Firsts" ...
Posted by Cecilia on 1/27/2023, 11:01 pm, in reply to ""Firsts" ..."
It is establishing that "new normal" and at times it can be hard. And sad and depressing. And yet, there is sometimes a feeling of "freedom". Not sure that is the right word I am looking for. As much as I miss my Lily, there is some comfort in knowing I do not have to worry about her anymore. It will take time, but you will adjust.
"Firsts" ...
Posted by Juanita on 1/28/2023, 12:54 pm, in reply to ""Firsts" ..."
I think knowing what a huge part of your life Shiloh shared, it is just natural to share what you do and think around your home with her or whatever type of pet you might have. I talk to my guys all day, asking their opinions about things, or asking them if they like a certain song, or an outfit I might be wearing! I don't expect answers from them but I just like sharing things with them. They seem to like me doing that and sometime they talk back which makes me feel good regardless of what they are saying in their lives. They know I am sharing with them part of my life.
That will be part of my loss when they pass away. We share our lives in our own way and we know we are sharing although we might not understand the words, we know we are a part of the other's life.
I still miss my beloved little Sunni girl who crossed the Bridge four years ago. She had the sweetest way of communicating with me. She would nestle under my hair on my neck and talk up a storm. I never knew what she was saying other than I knew it was all about her love for me. In turn, I kissed her time after time pouring out my love to her. Love is the one thing that can be shown in many, many different ways. For that I am ever thankful.
Give yourself time, Cathy, as the kind of love you and Shiloh shared was one of a kind. It was a special blessing.
Re: "Firsts" ...
Posted by seesthru, TC Advisor on 1/28/2023, 8:06 pm, in reply to ""Firsts" ..."
OH gosh, the firsts are so hard. It's like losing her all over again. I'm so sorry, Cathy.
Re: "Firsts" ...
Posted by Cathy on 1/30/2023, 2:42 pm, in reply to "Re: "Firsts" ..."
Another word comes to mind to somewhat describe it and that's "vulnerable". Did I somewhere over the years turn her into a guard bird?
Cathy
Re: "Firsts" ...
Posted by Juanita on 1/30/2023, 2:57 pm, in reply to "Re: "Firsts" ..."
I don't think it is so much a guard as it is a friend with whom you shared your life. A sort of confidant. You automatically share things with them and tell them what is or will happen during your day.
Re: "Firsts" ...
Posted by Cathy on 1/30/2023, 4:15 pm, in reply to "Re: "Firsts" ..."
I guess. When she was there it was an "us" instead of just me. I used to go over to her cage and talk to her then come back and talk to the tech. I think it took the pressure off of having to make conversation which, when it comes to work being done on the HVAC, I'd rather they concentrate on what they're doing anyway. But if you don't make conversation it's weird.