CBHS Alumni Message Board: Re: Where were you when...

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Re: Where were you when...

Posted by Colgan Bryan on 1/7/2008, 8:12 pm, in reply to "Where were you when..."
66.229.28.114

One of the things that I have been enjoying lately is contacting and tracking down people in my past and expressing to them things that I have appreciated or admired but kept to myself either because of shyness or just taking for granted that they already know.

At my ripe old age of 50 I have experienced all to often the sudden loss of a family member or friend and the regret of having not said things that I should have said.

I came to the conclusion that it was selfish of me to keep that stuff to myself. This includes members of this board. It has been great fun to say “You don’t remember me but I remember you and your amazing talents or amazing accomplishments even to this day and I’m till impressed. Whether it was an awesome teacher who had their hands full with me as a student or someone I saw playing guitar in a talent show or at a party or seeing a room full of trophies or just making me laugh with jokes that I still repeat today, I enjoy being able to express my appreciation. I want to avoid the regret of having never told people the things that they said and did and have probably forgotten themselves actually mattered to someone else.

Fortunately, I have a very, very tiny “naughty” list (one name) of someone that I probably should have confronted instead of falling into the same trap that everyone gets into of enabling her just to avoid getting into a fight to the death over things that just don’t matter.

I guess my biggest regret with her is how I allowed her to hurt so many people just because I wanted to avoid confrontation. Since so much of her hateful behavior peaked while my parents were dying and during the birth of my daughter, it was just easier to just ignore her greedy attempts to make everything about her. In hindsight, that was lazy and she should not be allowed to use her delusional behavior insulate her from her responsibility.

Unfortunately, that has resulted in a nasty string on these boards. While I would have to agree with any negative view that someone might have reading this string, it is the only communication that I have had with her in many years.

One of the unfortunate things that occur when someone goes to the trouble of lying about someone, the last person to know is the one who has been defamed. My sister does not go to the trouble to lie to my face unless there is an audience. As a result, I was left with having to catch up by people who were understandably reluctant to be in the middle including my parents when they should have been able to focus on much more important things than my sister’s self-inflicted issues.

While I do not enjoy being embarrassed by this conflict, I have to stop allowing my desire to avoid embarrassment to continue to keep me silent while my sister continues bullying people with her own issues. I am not embarrassed by her accusations because I think that she does a great job of discrediting herself. I am embarrassed about the overall conflict and the location where it has taken.

I will not want to waste your time trying to convince you that this was a good idea. I would probably lose that debate. I will just offer my apology and assure you that the "nice" list is much bigger than the "naughty" list.