Posted by Sophia on 7/20/2008, 10:02 pm
74.133.177.42

I need to find a teacher of esotericism who won't mind working with me online only through emails. I do not live here in NYC. It's just there are more people here that read ads than in any other location. I had a teacher - I may still have him, I don't know - but I know I need a second chance where trust is concerned. I broke trust and revealed secrets when I knew I wasn't supposed to, while in a fit of anger because my teacher wouldn't let me have my way. I've hurt him, I've hurt myself, and I've hurt the esoterics. After breaking trust with my teacher, some of the last words he said to me the other day were, "I am trying very hard to avoid ignoring your existence." These words cut me to the core more deeply than any words have hurt me. And I know I deserve them for what I've done. So I have to live the rest of my life with the memory of those words and with what I've done. As it stands now, I am not sure if he is still my teacher or not, but he had slowly been distancing himself from me for a number of months now. I asked him the other day if I was done learning. He didn't respond. So I asked him if he could help me find another teacher, and he ignored that question as well. As you can see, I've made a very good teacher of this art very angry, even when he tries always not to speak in anger. He is the only teacher I've met who led me to altered states of consciousness over the Internet. If anyone thinks there is anything left in me that would be worth teaching, I could use your help. I need a second chance, if anyone would be interested in attempting a bond of trust one more time. I've learned my lesson and a promise is worth more to me now. Thank you.